asexuality, essays

No more waiting (p. 2)

So while working at a company owned by the very corporation that funded and marketed the True Love Waits movement that popularized the purity ring madness of the 2000s, living in the “buckle of the Bible belt,” I decided my purity ring was a lie. 

I wasn’t waiting for anything. Not because I’d changed my beliefs on abstinence or met a person I wanted to sleep with, but because I had no use for it. There was nothing to wait for. 

Catch up with part 1 here

It was in this time that I discovered a useful term. 

As the nation exploded with discussions of the legality of same-sex marriage, I searched for something that fit my lack of anything to wait for. I was no more attracted to women than I was to men. I gave it serious consideration for the sake of logical elimination, but the word gay didn’t fit either. Bisexuality sounded somewhat relatable, but in practice, the exact opposite of my experience. 

Then I read about asexuality. But what about those high school relationships? I had dated, so I couldn’t be asexual, right? I pondered demisexual; perhaps I was only into those boys because I had known them long enough to develop an emotional bond with them that grew into rare attraction? Perhaps I was just gray-asexual and only rarely experienced attraction. Maybe I got all mine over within a few years? There was also a romantic component. This one was much harder. It’s one thing to not experience sexual attraction, but it’s something else altogether to not experience romantic attraction. And to add to it, to not want romantic or sexual relationships. 

Continue reading “No more waiting (p. 2)”
asexuality, essays

No more waiting (p. 1)

cupcake with heart
Photo by Snapwire on

The purity movement backlash has been an interesting phenomenon in that otherwise-still-evangelical Christians are speaking out against it. Most conservative Christians who are doing this are disavowing purity culture, not abstinence. There are plenty of people who have been deeply hurt by purity culture that would still very much advocate for abstinence until marriage.

Purity culture is when virginity is made into an idol so that it is more important than grace. Women and even little girls are sexualized as objects of temptation. Women are blamed for men’s lust to the point of being excluded and discriminated against. Men’s groups only discuss avoiding porn and not pursuing Jesus, and, in extreme cases, harassment and even rape is excused by their sexual attraction to their victim (whether it’s her too-tempting clothing, smile, or empathy).

Continue reading “No more waiting (p. 1)”
essays, the society

We all feel invisible sometimes

This is a new place. One I have created for a new time.

I hope it is a place of healing for you. When you feel unseen, you can come here. When you feel alone, you can find community. And maybe say some “me too”s.

If it’s not for you, that’s okay. You don’t need to say so, just carry on with your day.

But if I can help with my words, heal with these letters, I hope you find what you need.

There will be things here written straight into this text box and things written a long time ago. Some of it is fiction, and some of it will be more real than I will ever admit to you. Some you will know, and some you will not. Some is just what you need to hear, and some will take empathy. There’s fantasy and imagining and what-ifs and experimentation, but there’s also authenticity and vulnerability and growth. Sometimes all in one.

You will not like all of what you read. That’s okay. The price of admission is a single click, and the exit fee is the same.

But I hope you will feel welcome. Even if you can’t relate or aren’t there yet or don’t believe what I believe, I hope you will keep an open heart to hear something new. But if you do relate… if there is something here for you that is said in a way your heart can hear and you need to talk… you know where to find me. Either way, I hope you are inspired to write your own story.

Tell it. Tell it before it’s too late. Even if for now, you’re only telling a blank page. Even if it isn’t safe to say aloud, tell it to your heart. Believe in a future where you can sing freely, and the birds will be glad to hear your song.

We’re not there yet. But we write so that one day we will be.

Shine on, cupcakes.