A Citadel to Normalcy

How grim. How foolish. How fallow The castle built for sameness. Now a plain, dull, drab Myopic of potential greatness Strict rules of what to do and be, Keep tongues under lock and key Loose lips, loose hips, loose chains And hate will fill the sticky heat Shield the children’s eyes From all but the…


I don’t know how you feel I haven’t had your particular expression Of grief, of loss, of pain I can’t say I’ve been through that Exactly, particularly, specifically In the ways you experienced it But I do know what it’s like To be what parents fear for their child To grow up and become I…


Naming is important to self-concept and acceptance of our identity, but there are equally important stages that we move through before and after we first say, “Hi, my name is ____ and I’m ____.”

What do we do with all this grief

Today, Sarah Bessey asked her readers on her Substack about all the losses that come with deconstruction/faith evolution. It made me think of a related, often simultaneous loss when that deconstruction is part of coming out as queer: There’s something I tell queer people when they come out and lose so much (or publicly identify…


We say Your theology leads to harm You say That’s tough love for rebels We say Your politics lead to death You say Words can’t hurt We say stop killing us You say Stop being dramatic We grieve at headlines We cry in news photos We raise the alarm And violence still comes We say…

Raising Affirming Kids When You Weren’t Raised That Way

I’m honored to introduce you to my friend and former coworker Bekah McNeel. Bekah is an author, journalist, and podcaster (check out our episode together here!) who works tirelessly for those on the margins to have their voices heard and to bring about real change through the power of storytelling. I asked her if she…

life preserver

do you ever dream about them the teachers, the doctors, the counselors the psych professor who saw a lot of promise in you the professionals who didn’t see it do you ever shout at them in your sleep i was just a kid and you were the expert on the tower with training and power…

Ace Bewareness Week

This is a silly little poem about Twitter, but I really do hope we can recapture the joy and belonging and welcome this Ace Awareness Week in the midst of all the creepy, scary, and ghoulish opinions on the internet. Hope you find all treats and no tricks this year! Smell it approaching. It’s coming…

Ace and allo partnerships

I was asked about ace and allo marriages, and I didn’t have any resources about marriage/partnership and asexuality, especially when one of those partners is allo. Aces and their allo partners on Twitter were eager to help and share what they have learned. We all hope these stories and links can strengthen ace/allo marriages and…

It is for freedom we have been set free

Content warning for child abuse story. Start at 3:24 if this is a trigger for you First, it is a great feeling to be able to understand and process every word from a speaker without needing the captions. That almost never happens. I feel like I actually processed every word! Aside from speaking skills, this…

The Unnamed.

I pray you find a doctor with undying curiosity I pray you find empathy in a nurse’s needle I pray you find a treatment that works

Voice of the box

She describes herself as “an ill-fitting Christian. A square peg trying to fit into a round hole, each of the angles representing the diverse religious traditions that shaped my understanding of the Divine.”

So far, so good

What is it costing us when we have to hide entire parts of who we are in our churches, homes, families, friendships, workplaces, and communities because the standard of goodness is a different shape than the shape we occupy?

Does God care about our sex lives?

Yes, as our friend, comforter, creator, divine parent, provider, protector, lover, healer, Lord, and shepherd… God cares about our sexuality and bodies. Buckle up.

For those whose bodies are policy issues

Today, there is much discussion on embodiment, what it means to show up in a space as your full self, and to be present in your body wherever you are. The topic du jour, in particular, is church attendance. Can we experience the “real” church online?

Aromanticism, asexuality, and Christianity

I’m primarily focusing my work on progressive Christianity and the queer church because that’s where I’m most needed and fit best, but others have blazed a trail before I got here and I’m not alone now.


Homesickness is a funny kind of illness. It sort of hurts all over. In your throat when someone asks the wrong question at the wrong time. In your lungs when a reminder of what you’ve lost takes your breath away. In your core when there’s the gut punch of knowing what you long for may…

The Remodel

a fresh start, To begin, That’s what we need. To tear it all down and click Refresh.

A prayer for a misused name/pronoun

By Rev Naomi Miller, Church of the Apostles, Guelph. Thank you, Rev. Miller, for letting me share this here! O God, You know me by my name. You know <name> by <pronoun> name. Let the words I use when I speak to <name> and about <pronoun> show my love for <pronoun>.

You deserve the help you need

No amount of busyness or responsibility cures clinical depression, anxiety disorders, or neurodivergence.

Side A. Celibate. Asexual. Queer.

Asexuality is not the same as celibacy. Lots of asexual people do have sex. Asexuality is about attraction, not behavior. I am also celibate. I consider this a calling in the sense that God made me sex-averse intentionally and for a reason. Not all asexual people are sex-averse.

Queer theology and the Bible

Is there an affirming way to read the Bible? What contributions and revelations and corrections can queer theology offer the church? What do I say to my church or pastor or neighbors who think queer affirmation is unbiblical? And can I love Jesus, the Bible, the church, and my queer self, friends, family, or neighbors?

Queer podcasts

A few podcasts around queerness, queer faith, and aromanticism and asexuality. For my own podcast appearances, see Podcasts. Queer – general QueeryMaking Gay History Queer Christian Q TheologyQueerologyLavender Mafia (*nsfw)A Tiny RevolutionRefuge RadioOur Bible has a large list of affirming podcasts here Search for these on your favorite podcast-listening platform!

Welcome home

Welcome, welcome to the wandering I was once welcomed And here you are too

I heal myself

She needs him Like she needs air He needs her Like water But I breathe I drink, I gasp I drown All on my own

The Archer

I take aim Correct form Exhale Release The word hangs In the air A whisper A whisper

Women of Valor – Mary Magdalene

I had the great privilege of joining my friend Kelly Wolfe on her blog, Let It Matter, this week discussing Mary Magdalene. We have a video of our conversation on her blog as well as a transcript for you to read. We discuss the way she’s been treated by church history, biblical interpretation, how fandom…


I will not be quiet Call me threat, call me fire Let’s burn it down Call me hurricane

Out here

I don’t know if you can see it But I am out here

Queer Christian resources

A link list of resources, events, communities, blogs, newsletters, church finders, and more for queer Christian life.

Faith that evolves

I mostly write about asexuality and being a queer Christian, but those aren’t the hardest challenges I’ve encountered in my faith. Being both queer and Christian has been difficult, but it has also shown me a community of love, belonging, joy, and all the fruits of the Spirit.  My hardest challenge to my faith was recovering from…

Aromanticism 101

Alright it’s time to talk about… aromanticism! I haven’t spent as much time on this as I have on asexuality, so it’s time to answer some questions and bust some myths. Similar to how asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction, aromanticism is a lack of romantic attraction. I’m both aromantic and asexual, aro ace…


I am not the type to get emotional but it hurts when you say all humans were created for sex that romance is the purpose for us being thrust upon this forsaken Earth

Show Yourself

I’m rare. And not in a good, let’s-celebrate-diversity way. In a way that ends up being called things, like, well… ice queen.


All of my life, I’ve been told I’m too different. That I can’t expect others to understand. Most kids don’t talk like I do. Most kids don’t feel the passion I feel. Most kids wouldn’t think to fear all I fear.

Not just

Sometimes a person Is not just a person But a hope A path A lantern A voice


The nice thing about socks is that they always have a mate You know when one is lost because it was made for another Two by two, pairs, not ever alone, folded together But life lived out is never that simple

No more waiting (p. 2)

I took off the purity ring because there was nothing to wait for. But then I learned of another ring. A subtle way for asexual people to recognize each other in public. One not unlike the youth group legend of the early church’s icthus fish, now that I think about it.

No more waiting (p. 1)

I decided my purity ring was a lie. I wasn’t waiting for anything. There was nothing to wait for.

In particular

Most days I am wary I have seen the machine I know the powers that pull A gold pulpit’s fragile strings

We all feel invisible sometimes

This is a new place. One I have created for a new time. I hope it is a place of healing for you. When you feel unseen, you can come here. When you feel alone, you can find community. And maybe say some “me too”s. If it’s not for you, that’s okay. You don’t need…


Tomorrow we will all get up And go about our days like normal Tomorrow the sun will shine And spring will once again attempt To show us hope and life. I believe. Lord, help my unbelief.

affirming theology allyship anxiety aromantic awareness week aromanticism asexuality Christianity coming out conversation cupcakes dangerous women deconstruction depression disability Disney Easter evolving faith faith feminism feminist poetry Frozen grief hermeneutics LGBT LGBTQ LGBTQIA+ marginalized faith experiences mental illness Methodist national coming out day neurodivergence podcasts Poetry purity movement queer queer poetry queer theology reconstruction religion resources Side A theology the society welcome women in the Bible