This is a prayer for the mystery case
The pain with no clear cause
The symptoms that don’t match
The lab test that comes back clear
The numbers say you’re fit as a fiddle
So why is your body screaming
As you beg the white coats to care
This is a prayer for the ones unsure
If they deserve to belong here
Disabled. As if it’s a title you earn
This is for the ones who have a hard time
defending themselves against the “just”s
Because maybe this one will be right
And it’s less hope and more desperation
As you swipe your card and try it.
You’re running out of time
You’re running out of your mind
Trying to figure out how to survive
In a new normal each day
And when people ask, you say sure!
Because it still doesn’t occur to you
You’ll be gritting your teeth the day of the event.
But you don’t have a name yet
Or ever. Maybe. Maybe you won’t know
What to tell people when you say sorry
And they don’t understand fully
Because yesterday you seemed fine
And it’s hard to describe what you feel
The symptom list inconclusive
Is hard to describe without
A name for what’s within
This is a prayer for our minds and hearts
and stomachs as they churn
with grief and anxiety and fear
For the choices we make with no guidance
For the questions with no answers
For the mystery that leaves us without
Community. Support. Resources. Research. Plans. Treatment. Hope.
I pray you find a doctor with undying curiosity
I pray you find empathy in a nurse’s needle
I pray you find a treatment that works
I pray your insurance covers you with no fuss
Like a blanket on a soft couch
With all you need within reach.
I pray you hang on to tomorrow
Breathe in and out, do what you can,
And in time you find a name.