Tag: LGBTQIA+

asexuality, faith, interview

Get to know a-spectrum Christians: Paul Willis

jennadewitt

As aromantic- and/or asexual-spectrum Christians and Jesus-adjacent people, it can be hard to believe that we are not alone. There are few examples of us in queer Christian spaces speaking about our experiences, not to mention the broader queer or Christian/faith worlds in general. I want to do my part to change that with this website and connect you with more a-spectrum Christian and Christian-ish people across the internet. This summer, I’m hosting a short Q&A series. If you would like to be included, send me an email using my contact form here.

PaulWillis
  1. Hi! We’re so glad you’re here. Can you introduce yourself to the Invisible Cake Society with your name, pronouns, any identity labels you feel like sharing?
    So honoured to be invited to take part in this! I’m Paul, he/him. I identify currently as asexual—more specifically navigating the spaces of greysexuality, aegosexual expression, and demisexuality (where sexual attraction has only ever flickered into place after a deep, secure emotional connection is formed). I am very aware of an aesthetic and emotional attraction to women, though I’m still figuring out whether heteroromantic or aromantic describes the romantic side of that best!

  2. What do you like to spend your time doing, online or in person, creatively and/or professionally?
    My day job is a civil servant in the UK Government, helping and supporting people into employment. When I’m not at work, I spend creative time playing piano and viola (not at the same time!). I am also deeply passionate about exploring the landscape around me; I love walking in nature and visiting medieval churches, finding a lot of peace in their history, spirituality and architecture. I’m a fan of movies and TV drama and documentaries, and I’m an avid reader—mostly non-fiction around spirituality and the faith journey, but I’m also a fan of the Sister Fidelma mysteries by Peter Tremayne.

  3. When did you hear about aromanticism and asexuality, and when did you realize they described you?
    For many years, I carried the weight of a complex relationship history. My first marriage lasted seven years and bore us two children, but ultimately broke down under the weight of several painful factors, including the impact of a late miscarriage. My second marriage—a blended family with teenage step-children—also lasted seven years, but eventually just faded away and I found myself single again.

    It was a few years after this when I finally encountered the term asexuality and it felt like a profound shift. Realizing that this described me was the missing piece of the puzzle; suddenly, my entire relationship history fell into place. Looking back through that lens, the long-standing confusion melted away, allowing me to view my past marriages and my whole life journey with a deep sense of peace, clarity, and self-compassion.

  4. What’s your faith background and how would you describe your relationship with religion/spirituality/faith today?
    I was brought up in a village in Kent in the UK by Christian parents and attended our local Baptist church. It was pretty standard evangelical stuff—two services on Sundays, midweek prayer meetings, and youth groups. It gave me a very structured, traditional foundation. In my early 20s, I spent two pivotal years working at Lee Abbey—a Christian hotel, retreat, and conference centre on the North Devon coast run by a community of volunteers. That experience was foundational for my spiritual direction and journey, opening me to wide diversity of faith traditions, worship styles and spiritual practices. After leaving that environment, I went through a long, 15-year period of secularism—wandering through a spiritual desert of deconstruction where the old answers no longer held up. It wasn’t until 2019 that the seeds of something new began to take root. Today, I identify as a contemplative Christian, finding my spiritual home in a very personal, experiential blend of traditions. My practice is grounded as a regular attender at my local Quaker meeting, beautifully woven together with Celtic Christian spirituality and an Open and Relational theology. I’m very comfortable with mystery and prefer having questions that cannot be answered than answers that cannot be questioned. I am a spiritual wanderer!

  5. How has your a-spec identity influenced your personal faith?
    As someone who didn’t identify as ace until their 50s it’s interesting to look back and realise that even when I assumed I was heterosexual I always considered myself an ally to the LGBTQIA+ community. Not in an outspoken way, but just quietly aligning myself with the view that love is love, etc. I was raised in that teaching that said the Bible condemns same-sex relationships, but I could never quite accept that; and when I was going through my teens and early 20s—school, college, and even at Lee Abbey—as I formed friendships with people who were openly queer and got to know them as people, I could not view them as the “deviants” I had been raised to see in, you know, that “Love the sinner, hate the sin” stance.

  6. How has your a-spec identity affected your relationship with religious or spiritual communities?
    I think it’s put me at odds with some of my friends from that time at Lee Abbey. We’re all still in touch, 30 years on, online and through the occasional reunions. But I’m very respectful and honouring of other people’s faith journeys and positions. I’m aware that some still attend quite evangelical churches, but others I’ve chatted to have been on similar journeys to mine and are now also much more explorers of faith and so are comfortable when I say I’m asexual.

  7. How has your faith affected your relationship with the a-spec or larger LGBTQIA+ community?
    I’ll be honest, as a quiet introvert I’ve never really had a close relationship with those larger groups and communities. I’ll support and promote them on social media, but I’ve never been one for being loudly out and proud or attending big Pride events. My advocacy is much more quiet and personal.

  8. Does your a-spec identity impact your gender identity? Or vice versa?
    I don’t feel it impacts my gender identity directly—I’m comfortable identifying as a cisgender man. However, it definitely impacted how I viewed my gender roles. Growing up, there is a lot of societal pressure on men to be hyper-focused on dating, pursuing, and sex. Realising I am a-spec allowed me to let go of those rigid cultural expectations of what “being a man” is supposed to look like, which was incredibly liberating.

  9. What should all a-spec Christians know?
    The ultimate message of the Gospel is that God is Love. This is stated so many times in the Bible, especially in the New Testament and the Gospels. What all a-spec Christians should know is that you’re loved exactly as you are. Being true to yourself, learning to love yourself, and loving your neighbour—without the requirement of conforming to amative or romantic norms—is the very essence of living out that divine love.

  10. What do you want the larger affirming LGBTQIA and ally Christian community to know about a-spec Christians?
    A-spec Christians are just as valid—and valued—as anyone else.

  11. At Invisible Cake Society, we highlight experiences that have been erased or seem invisible to those outside of them. What’s your favorite way to show your a-spectrum Pride?
    Because I’m an introvert, my favourite way to show Pride isn’t through big public displays, but through quiet authenticity. For me, that looks like embracing my passions and leaning into the quiet places where I feel most connected. I find my resetting spaces in nature and through my twice-yearly retreats in the Yorkshire Pennines. It’s about being comfortable in my own skin, sharing my story when it matters, and creating spaces where others feel permitted to step away from the pressure of compulsory romance. Taking part in this interview is a big step in visibility for me!

  12. Do you have a favorite example of a-spec representation (whether explicitly stated or not) in media, books, public figures, theater, etc.? What about them resonated with you?
    To be honest, I haven’t come across many explicit examples of a-spec representation in the media I consume. However, as an avid reader and TV viewer, I always find myself drawn to stories that highlight deep, loyal friendships, intellectual companionship, or partnerships where the emotional bond is the anchor of the story, rather than standard Hollywood romance.

  13. Anything else you want readers to know?
    Just that it is never too late to discover who you are. Finding the words for my identity in my 50s didn’t change me; it just gave me the map to understand the landscape I’d been walking my whole life. If you’re in a spiritual or personal desert right now, have patience with yourself. The wanderings are part of the journey.

  14. Where can they follow your work online?
    I keep a fairly quiet profile online these days, but I keep a private Instagram account I update frequently, and you can occasionally find my spiritual ponderings on my Substack. All my links are here: https://linktr.ee/pcwillis.

aromanticism, asexuality, essays, interview

Get to know a-spectrum Christians: Beks Roen

jennadewitt

As aromantic- and/or asexual-spectrum Christians and Jesus-adjacent people, it can be hard to believe that we are not alone. There are few examples of us in queer Christian spaces speaking about our experiences, not to mention the broader queer or Christian/faith worlds in general. I want to do my part to change that with this website and connect you with more a-spectrum Christian and Christian-ish people across the internet. This summer, I’m hosting a short Q&A series. If you would like to be included, send me an email using my contact form here.

Beks Roan

Today we have aroace actor and writer Beks Roen!

  1. Hi! We’re so glad you’re here. Can you introduce yourself to the Invisible Cake Society with your name, pronouns, any identity labels you feel like sharing?

Thanks for having me! I’m Beks Roen, they/he. I go by Beks and Roen interchangeably, and am transmasculine, non-binary and aroace!

  1. What do you like to spend your time doing, online or in person, creatively and/or professionally?

For recharge time, I love reading, seeing theatre (especially outdoor Shakespeare), hosting friends for dinner, and watching DropoutTV with loved ones. Professionally, I love writing, acting, and anything stage combat: whether I’m performing, choreographing, or teaching.

  1. When did you hear about aromanticism and asexuality, and when did you realize they described you?

I think I first heard about asexuality and aromanticism during the pandemic shutdown. I’d only just met a couple folks who taught me about polyamory and genderqueerness a year before, so I went right back to them after some googling and talked through it. I remember reading some PDF of “examples of shared/common ace experiences” and going, “oh. Wait. This explains a lot. Oh no how am I gonna handle this?? Uhhhh, call friends!”

  1. What’s your faith background and how would you describe your relationship with religion/spirituality/faith today?

My dad is a United Methodist pastor, so I grew up moving every couple of years and having a real rough time with parsonage housing. But my parents never pushed church. If I had homework or a Sunday matinee, it was okay for me to do my work first and not go to church. I’m forever grateful for their grace. I still use UMC language, but I’d describe myself as more “spiritual not religious.” I find incredible, powerful, transformational spirituality in theatre, which has a ton of structural and functional overlap with institutional religion. Theatre and writing are my spiritual disciplines because creativity and co-imagination are such powerful ways to participate with the divine, however you label it.

  1. How has your a-spec identity influenced your personal faith?

I don’t think it has. Realizing I’m aroace didn’t change my relationship to faith. I see aspec ideals showing up in my faith: I’ve become very community-focused, and am grounding more and more faith in people. I meditate, tap, pray, and do yoga every day, which have been super supportive spiritual practices for me (especially doing yoga every evening with my mom). As I’ve accepted myself and allowed for more ambiguity, I’ve encountered more and more unexpected blessings. Timelines, support, new friends; aligning in ways I couldn’t control, but am intensely grateful for.

  1. How has your a-spec identity affected your relationship with religious or spiritual communities?

My family has been incredibly supportive, which I constantly celebrate. Most of the time, though I get the blank stare of confusion more often than not, folks have been open to listening and hearing. Even in the Midwest, whether it be church or theatre, I encounter more curiosity than animosity. I’m sure a part of that open response has to do with my white privilege. It’s a lot of 101 conversations, to the point where I made a Google Doc with links to all the educators I learned from (Angela Chen, Yasmin Benoit, Ashabi at Ace in Grace, Cody Daigle-Orians at Ace Dad Advice, etc.). I’ve found a lot of support in theatre spaces, with the occasional pushback. Case in point, I’ve been hired to play an aroace Romeo at Advice to the Players this summer (July 31-August 9, 2026)! The director and team and several audience members have been incredibly supportive and excited to follow this adventure. Out of all the conversations I’ve had about it over the past year, only two people have been outright aphobic about it. Most are curious and excited to see what happens!

  1. How has your faith affected your relationship with the a-spec or larger LGBTQIA+ community?

I see the anti-Blackness in the ace community and my heart breaks. We can do better. We should do better. For white Christian aces: Jesus calls us to do better. Jesus’ top two commandments were about love. We are to love each other, not slam a neighbor for supporting the community.

  1. Does your a-spec identity impact your gender identity? Or vice versa?

I found asexuality first, which domino-ed into aromanticism and gender discovery. I used to be really focused on trying to figure this out. Where the delineation was. Trying to define each container of each label I wear. But as I continue reading more from aspec folks like Ashabi (Ace in Grace), Angela Chen, Cody Daigle-Orians and others, the more I’ve relaxed and realized that for me, I can let it be a gradient. Where a variety of things are present, but there’s no clear lines between each.

  1. What should all a-spec Christians know?

You’re loved. You’re not alone.

  1. What do you want the larger affirming LGBTQIA and ally Christian community to know about a-spec Christians?

Faith and aspec identity are not mutually exclusive. And LGBTQ+ rights and aspec identity are not mutually exclusive. We’re here, queer, biblically accurate.

  1. At Invisible Cake Society, we highlight experiences that have been erased or seem invisible to those outside of them. What’s your favorite way to be visible?

Theatre!! I literally started my own production company, Roguish Goblin Stories, to produce shows that highlight the trans/aspec Shakespeare resonances that feel obvious to me, and produce original adventures that center trans and aspec leads. My writing absolutely supports this as well, but the physical impact of co-experiencing an aspec character’s journey in person deepens the connection way beyond my writing alone. When I produced my first original production, Boy-ish, I had multiple conversations with audience members afterwards about the two main characters: one was aroace, the other was non-binary. The show had basically nothing to do with their labels, but it still opened people’s horizons up and made the trans and aspec audience members feel seen for the first time in their lives. That’s why I write, and produce what I write in person whenever possible: to remind people that they’re loved and not alone.

  1. Do you have a favorite example of a-spec representation (whether explicitly stated or not) in media, books, public figures, theater, etc.? What about them resonated with you?

Honestly, as much as I see aspec resonances over and over again in Shakespeare and other classics (Romeo, Mercutio, Orpheus, Hamlet, Benedick and Beatrice, Jacques, Coriolanus, etc.) I also see aspec love between Sam Gamgee and Frodo from Lord of the Rings. Their love is so deeply, beautifully queerplatonic. Their dedication to each other. Right from the start: Frodo’s panic when Sam tries to swim after him as the Fellowship fractures, even though Sam can’t swim. Sam’s line on Mount Doom always makes me weep: “I can’t carry the Ring, but I can carry you.” We need more relationships like Frodo and Sam in media, which is a huge part of why I became a writer.

13. Anything else you want readers to know?

I’d love to see more people, aspec or not, celebrating Soul Ace Day and supporting Black aspec folks. There’s a chat with the founders here that I found really helpful. We’re in life together, folks. You’re loved. You’re not alone.

14. Where can we follow your work online?

Beks demonstrates their craft
Christmas, pop culture, queer

LGBTQIA+ Holiday Romance/Family Movies

jennadewitt

Merry Queersmas and happy holigays! While Hallmark, Lifetime, Netflix, HBO Max, Prime, Hulu, and more are certainly known for their abundant straight/cis holiday romances and family comedies, queer holiday romance and family movies do exist! We have more Christmas, Thanksgiving, holiday, seasonal, and new year movies and miniseries than you might think. Representation can be so important for queer people, and these films normalize queer relationships, gender expressions, and identities for everyone. Joy is revolutionary, hope is our fuel, peace is our dream, and love wins in every form: romantic, platonic, familial, and more.

Fair warning that while some of these are produced by major studios like the streamers and networks above, some of these are very indie, and they vary in quality of writing, acting, and cinematography. Also read the linked description for content, rating, and where to watch.

I suggest starting at the top and going down. I’ve put them in a rough recommended watching order, but go with the vibe you’re looking for at the moment. Save this list and check off the ones you’ve seen as you go!

Have not seen due to unavailability in my region (US):

Second string

The movies listed below are the ones that were very low quality or had amateur production/writing/acting, slow or boring, the takeaway message or vibe just didn’t resonate with me, or that I simply wouldn’t recommend as “good” or rewatch myself, but they might be exactly what you need, so give ’em a shot if the above aren’t enough or don’t have the vibe you’re going for. Some of these are highly professional major studio quality and I just personally found them obnoxious, full of microaggressions, or unlikable due to queerphobic tropes, and on the opposite end of the spectrum, others were sweet and well-intentioned but probably filmed on a freshman’s phone after a first-year screenwriting class and/or had a budget of around $5.

I’ll update with more as more are released each year. Let me know if you have more to suggest! The only criteria are that an LGBTQIA+ person is a major character (not necessarily the main one, though), it is overall a positive/affirming message in regards to queer rights and dignity, and that it is a holiday-centered romance or family drama that takes place primarily around November, December, or early January.

allyship, asexuality, faith, queer

The point of all this

jennadewitt

I want to be absolutely clear: The end goal is no more nonaffirming churches. Not a “diversity of thought” that’s just rewriting purity codes. Not a “range of opinions” with a variety of ways to exclude and dehumanize and tolerate “separate but equal.” Not a bare minimum. Not an “I love you but.”

Whether these churches accept correct, just, God-honoring theology or simply fade into history as factories of shame and harm and fake-nice, the collective liberation vision does not include nonaffirming theologies. Affirming theology *is* correct theology. We have beat around the bush long enough.

The mainline squandered opportunity after opportunity to draw that line, and we’re seeing the fruit of that, but we’re also seeing the fruit of the risk, the courage, the willingness to say NO to fence-riding and big-tent and “inclusive of all, the marginalized and the powers behind marginalization.”

In Christ, gender is not a factor for whether a marriage is holy, for whether sex is sinful, for whether someone is qualified to lead, serve, parent, teach, adopt, or write, for when passion is lust or love is healthy. That doesn’t mean we abandon discernment, but that gender isn’t relevant to it.

We are uncompromising in that. Lesbian, gay, bi/pan/+, trans/nonbinary/genderqueer, intersex, asexual/aromantic/agender, and all other kinds of queerness are not just permitted but *required* for the full reflection of the image of God and the accurate representation of the Kingdom come on earth.

Churches that factor in gender to who is permitted to do what are not only harmful, even deadly, for a small subset of the population. That is too minimizing. They are lacking in faithfulness. They are missing out on our gifts and our presence, but they are also missing out on the real, true God.

Conviction isn’t the enemy. Just like how becoming affirming isn’t “throwing out sexual ethics” or “there are no rules” or “rewriting history/the Bible,” it also isn’t an accommodation we’re asking for, a way to boost your Good Person points, or a secondary issue. It’s accurate, correct, right.

Have the courage to say so. Have the willingness to exclude the intolerant beliefs and opinions while honoring the need to listen, learn, grow, influence, and teach. It’s not about excluding individuals; it’s about setting our doctrinal truth, our policies, our reason for being.

Conservatives will panic: “See, the crazy liberals want to erase us! They want to eradicate us! They discriminate against us! The intolerant left!” Yes. I do. I want to erase the possibility that any queer kid grows up thinking God hates, Jesus is ashamed, or the Spirit would take away their joy.

I want to eradicate queer death, suffering, rejection, and homelessness. I do discriminate against bigotry and hate and fear-peddling propaganda lies. I want the world to stop tolerating violence, inequality, and terror in the name of “religious freedom,” “thought diversity,” and “broad umbrellas.”

We refuse anything less as the destination. The future is one where every church is practicing and preaching the truth, the life, the freedom, and the blessing that is only reflected with full queer welcome, inclusion, affirmation, belonging, and leadership at every level.

allyship, aromanticism, asexuality, Poetry, queer

Occurrences

jennadewitt

It occurs to me tonight to put my rainbow grocery bag in the trunk. Not just because that’s where it belongs, but to not give anyone an excuse to take out their religion on my car window.

It occurs to me that if I were in a redder county, I would never have left it visible to begin with.

It occurs to me on a Walmart run after work that I should have taken off my company staff badge with the Pride flag on the back while walking alone in the dark.

It occurs to me that in other places, I would never have been allowed to put that sticker on my identification to begin with.

It occurs to me to move my black ace ring to my left ring finger in a protective lie, signaling to the men of the crowd that I am another man’s property. If they don’t respect my humanity, they may respect the rights of possession—or at least the fear of violating them.

It occurs to me that I have the privilege of safety in being gender conforming, able to chameleon my way into invisibility.

It occurs to me that I have to constantly remind people I know what I’m talking about, that my experiences are erased, that I am here too, that we are not new or a trend or a bonus feature.

It occurs to me that I do not require documents to be changed, or medicine to be seen as myself, or a search for my literal voice with the help of lessons.

It occurs to me that I am likely the only one you know. That when I speak, I must point to many others like me but not like me, so you have a broader view.

It occurs to me that I occupy a space of assumed privilege as others explain marginalization that I live every day myself. Amusing at times, but mostly frustrating.

It occurs to me that my intersections give me advantages to steward so others will be heard.

It occurs to me that most people don’t have to wonder if their friends, family, church, or job will disown them over basic identity facts. If they confess who they are, will they receive a birthday card this year, will they have any references for their job applications, will they be welcomed home at Christmas, will they still have an emergency contact?

It occurs to me that others have faced far worse: Will they still have a home, food, a functional body, their lives?

It occurs to me that there is safety in numbers, and my numbers are small, often just me and my carabiner and my rainbow T-shirt.

It occurs to me that an ally up the mountain was murdered for less.

It occurs to me that I can change my shirt, but others can’t change their voice, their government, their bones.

It occurs to me that some allies will only care to the point that it is comfortable to be with us. Our humanity is an issue on which they agree to disagree with friends and colleagues and those who can help their careers.

It occurs to me I must have patience for the indoctrinated.

It occurs to me that I don’t have the tolerance to wait.

It occurs to me, too, that even the wait is privilege. Others, our youngest, are running out of time.

faith, queer, resources

Queer Christian History

jennadewitt

We have a long, complicated history as a queer Christian community. It’s crucial that we preserve, learn, and grow from that history with each generation that follows so we know who we are, that we are not a new trend, and that “tradition” is in the eye of the historian. We are proud to have a deep, rich history of faithful love and justice work, standing strong in our God-given identities. LGBTQIA+ Christians have always been here. Our stories were just erased. Make the invisible visible again in remembering them:

The LGBTQ+ Religious Archives Network

The LGBTQ Religious Archives Network (LGBTQ-RAN) is an innovative venture in preserving history and encouraging scholarly study of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) religious movements around the world. LGBTQ-RAN has a two-fold basic purpose.

Second, LGBTQ-RAN provides an electronic information clearinghouse for these archival collections and other historical data about LGBTQ religious history for the use of historians, researchers and other interested persons.

First, it assists LGBTQ religious leaders and groups in determining how best to preserve their records and papers in appropriate repositories.

Center for LGBTQ and Gender Studies in Religion

The Center for LGBTQ and Gender Studies in Religion (CLGS) was established at Pacific School of Religion in Berkeley, California and opened its doors in the fall of 2000.

CLGS Archives Project

Whosoever Magazine

Since 1996, Whosoever has existed to publish resources, primarily in the form of curated content, for those who seek a deeper understanding of the truly loving God, whose unconditional love is experienced as boundless grace.

Queer Saints Project

The Queer Saints Project began as a collaboration between the artist, Jason Tseng, and Judson Memorial Church, a historic church located in New York City’s West Village neighborhood. In 2018, Judson commissioned Tseng to create icons of LGBTQIA+ ancestors, to celebrate their inherent divinity, honor their contributions, and reclaim them as queer saints. The goal is to raise awareness and funds for the LGBTQIA+ community using these transcendent images that glorify and celebrate the miracle that is queerness.

The LGBTQ History Project

QSpirit: LGBTQ Saints, Queer Saints

Kittredge Cherry provides profiles and a saints day calendar that ask “What if” in queering the Bible and Christian history, as well as recognizing modern-day and historical queer people of faith in ways the church has largely ignored. Dare to imagine, explore, question, and enjoy beyond the normative and cisheteropatriarchical-assumed stories we’ve been taught.

Making Gay History: Rev. Carolyn Mobley-Bowie

Growing up in the segregated South, Rev. Carolyn Mobley-Bowie knew the challenge of finding an accepting place in the world—a challenge that only grew when her attraction to women came into conflict with her devotion to God. The predominantly gay Metropolitan Community Church offered refuge.

OutHistory: Religion and Homosexuality in the United States, by John D’Emilio and His Students

An essay by historian John D’Emilio “On Teaching Religion and Homosexuality in the U.S.,” and six chronologies on religion and homosexuality in the United States. First published on OutHistory in 2014.

Associated Press: A brief and incomplete, but helpful, overview of mainline denominations’ shifts on LGBTQIA+ inclusion in ordination, leadership, and marriage.

This timeline highlights key milestones and flashpoints within the UMC, Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.), Episcopal Church, Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, United Church of Christ, as well as in civic life.

By affirming denomination

Your experience may vary, but overall, these denominations have come to a broadly LGBTQIA+ affirming stance and hold socially progressive theology.

Metropolitan Community Church

When We All Get to Heaven

When We All Get to Heaven is a documentary project that tells the story of one of the first gay-positive churches, the Metropolitan Community Church of San Francisco, and how it faced the personal, social, and political trials of the AIDS epidemic, including the deaths of 500 of its members.

The Classical Ideas Podcast: EP 197: We Who Must Die Demand a Miracle and MCC San Francisco w/Dr. Lynne Gerber

Dr. Lynne Gerber (she/her/hers) is an independent scholar. She is the author of Seeking the Straight and Narrow: Weight Loss and Sexual-Reorientation in Evangelical America (Chicago, 2011). She is currently working on a history of religion and HIV/AIDS in San Francisco.

Queercore podcast: The Radical Priest: Rev Troy Perry (Season 4; Ep 8)

He’s preaching revolution! In this episode, Reverend Troy Perry, founder of the Metropolitan Community Church, joins us to chart his unlikely journey from Southern Baptist roots to gay‐affirming ministry and queer liberation. He recalls founding MCC in his living room in 1968, officiating groundbreaking same-sex marriages, and fighting for dignity when society told him faith and queerness could never co-exist.

There were fires—literal and metaphorical—that threatened his church, courtroom battles, and protests in the street. Through it all, he held onto something radical: that God loves us all, fully and without apology. Tune in to witness faith as resistance and prophecy as sanctuary.

United Methodist LGBTQIA+ History

Affirmation was founded in 1972 and went on to establish Reconciling Ministries. Affirmation was the first group to include Transgender people and was the first to provide direct support to LGBTQ+ people in Uganda and Kenya.

As the Church embraces a more inclusive and hopeful future, the Center exists to intentionally collect, preserve, and share the stories of Queer individuals whose voices, ministries, and faith have long been marginalized. Through this work, the LGBTQ+ UMC Heritage Board is tasked with ensuring LGBTQ+ people and their legacy in the Church can move forward unapologetically to be seen, celebrated, and empowered in the fullness of who they are.

Dedicated page for profiles of notable clergy and lay people, oral histories, online exhibits, and digital archive collections from the UMC.

Episcopal LGBTQIA+ History

  • TransEpiscopal – TransEpiscopal is a group of transgender, nonbinary, and allied Episcopalians dedicated to fostering the full embrace of trans and nonbinary people, and our loved ones within the Episcopal Church and to inspiring faith-based advocacy for trans and nonbinary justice in the wider world.
  • LGBTQIA+ Episcopal History – Faithful Episcopalians have been working toward a greater understanding and radical inclusion of all of God’s children for nearly a half-century.

United Church of Christ LGBTQIA+ History

  • Open and Affirming Coalition – Beginning in 1969, the United Church of Christ has advocated for the LGBT community. From the campaign to decriminalize same-sex relationships to support for marriage equality, the UCC has made a difference in the lives of LGBT citizens and their families. The issues have changed over the decades, but the basic commitment to full inclusion and human rights remains the same.

Presbyterian Church USA LGBTQIA+ History

  • Timeline of LGBTQIA+ History – The Presbyterian Historical Society has created a timeline of LGBTQIA+ related history in the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.). The stories included show how church members’ perspectives as well as the language used to speak about sexuality shifted throughout decades of advocacy work by LGBTQIA+ Presbyterians and allies.

ELCA (Lutheran) LGBTQIA+ History

Brethren and Mennonite Council LGBTQIA+ History

  • Oral history project at the Center for Queer Studies – Amy Short, in her work on the BMC Elder History Project, has been busy collecting stories, primarily from older BMC individuals, but also from some younger ones as well. Currently she has over 40 hours of taped interviews that will be preserved for their archives, with some utilized for trainings or simply shared as a celebration of their strength and variety as a community.
  • “Repent of the Sins of Homophobia”: The Rise of Queer Mennonite Leaders by Rachel Waltner Goossen

United Church of Canada

Quakers in Britain

Other notable groups in LGBTQIA+ Christian History:

Many more to come! If you have more queer Christian history/archival sites to suggest, please submit them via DMs on Bsky, Threads, Instagram, Substack, Discord, or Facebook (all under @ jennadewitt), or send me an email at jennadewitt (at) gmail (dot) com.

essays, faith, queer

Your life is not a hero trial

jennadewitt

And God isn’t interested in creating obstacles for you to earn heaven points.

photo of man walking on rope tree
Photo by Stephanie Ecate on Unsplash

“Everything within me wants [romantic and sexual] love, but as queer Christians, we have to trust that if God is denying us what we desire and making us suffer, then it’s for the best!”

OR perhaps you can trust that not only does God create you with good and holy desires but you weren’t meant to reject them. God is not interested in crafting tests for you so that you can prove you’re worthy. Trust God enough to see the evidence around you that you can call goodness good and not wait around for a secret mystical reveal that you can earn more holiness, prosperity, heavenly treasure, or a bigger payoff through a morality obstacle course divinely designed to trip you up.

The mythology of gods who make games of people’s lives out of boredom or demand tests to prove loyalty and worthiness are not our stories. That’s not Christianity rightly practiced, even if that’s Christianity traditionally practiced. We can stop doing this. The world has enough loneliness and suffering as it is. God has bigger stuff going on than toying with you or creating hero trials.

Collective liberation theology is the antidote to this. You do not have to manufacture pain for yourself. If you are denying healthy, natural, freeing love in favor of imposed suffering, there is nothing of God in that. We have too much to do here to be distracted by “how far is too far” rules.

God does not create you with an orientation or gender you are supposed to spend all your time, energy, resources, etc. changing or suppressing or creating elaborate rules for. Our time, energy, resources, and more are so precious and limited. Just be who you are and get to work for justice and good. The needs and crises around us are too great.

We have far too much pain in the world already that we are the God-given answer to. We are the solution, not burdened with creating more fake problems. When we’re busy over here debating whose romantic and sexual relationships are valid or who gets to be their gender, we can’t fulfill our calling.

I don’t understand those seeing hunger, loneliness, homelessness, fear, addiction, despair, prejudice, injustice, and more and then going, “You know what we need? MORE of this! God must have a plan to redeem it if we just trust and obey gender roles! That’s where our money and energy and time should go! More sex rules, exclusion, and rigid gender boxes!”

Collective liberation means affirming theology isn’t about “selfishness,” etc. It’s about getting all of this legalistic shit out of the way so we can be free to focus on the real work. Let people live, love, transition, marry, and be how they were made. The real stuff is too urgent.

If your “values” and “beliefs” are about creating gender-based rules and sexual morality codes and labeling it a “calling” to suffer through for the sake of holiness than creating more peace, hope, joy, and love in the world, change your values and reset your priorities. We have too many actual, practical problems we must act on. We can’t waste our lives policing our thoughts and behaviors and relationships to keep them from trying to align in integrity with our God-given identities. Not to mention other people’s relationships and bodies that don’t affect us! Every minute spent on trying to adhere to a norm we can never fit and creating more suffering to be one day rewarded for our heroic self-denial is a minute that could have been spent on alleviating the actual suffering in the world, including our own very real problems and the fallout of others’ queerphobia.

Biblical celibacy is part of biblical sexuality: It isn’t about which genders get married or have sex. Biblical celibacy and biblical sexuality are when you aren’t distracted from the real calling of loving others by rule-following, drama, angst, self-imposed or church-imposed misery, loneliness, temptation-resisting tests, and all the other manufactured fears and obstacles. These keep us focused on ourselves and our own purity so that we never get to the part where we get free, where we dismantle injustice, where we oppose and defeat patriarchy, White supremacy, queerphobia, ableism, systemic poverty, xenophobia, and all other evils.

You have to do what is more effective and efficient for the real work of bringing justice and flourishing, on earth as it is in heaven. Be celibate if that’s what is freeing you to do the work in authenticity, in wholeness, without distraction (like it is for me!). Have sex if that’s what frees you to do the work in authenticity, in wholeness, without distraction. Living your values should empower you to do justice and love mercy, not burden you with morality hand-wringing and pearl-clutching. Follow the fruit of the Spirit in your life toward liberation for all. That will have you focused more on bringing love, hope, and flourishing to the world than looking at your own behaviors and purity performance to pass a vague and cruel divine test.

Our God is not abusive or cruel or bored or dangling a carrot while hitting us with a stick. God is not a drill sergeant or a prosperity promiser or a manipulator or a lab rat maze designer or a puppet master. God doesn’t work like a capitalist or a merit badge system or a game show host or a trickster con man.

God IS Love. That love is demonstrated, unashamed, and unearned. It is not deception or a hustle or a scheme. It doesn’t create problems for the sake of a trust exercise or set contradictory expectations to raise life’s difficulty level. Love doesn’t hide at the finish line after a lifetime of gold stars and perfect grades and queerness-control performance reviews. Ours is the God of vibrant life, of integrity and of constancy, a God of Creation and joy, of overflowing goodness and hope and peace, a God of gentleness and patience, of faithfulness and kindness, of the self-control that comes with empathy and generosity. The truth sets us free, and with that freedom, we can tear down obstacles like holy hustle tests, purity culture, gender roles, unnecessary distractions, and systems of oppression. With collective liberation, we can focus on spreading love and flourishing throughout all the world.

allyship, essays

If it’s not for all of us, I don’t want it

jennadewitt

Collective liberation is not found in violent revenge and dreams of becoming oppressors. Collective liberation is not about demanding fealty and enemies bowing at your feet. Collective liberation is refusing to accept such and rejection of oppressive systems.

It is an invitation with an expectation: No dehumanization allowed. It does ask something of us, a dress code of sorts, that we bring love, real love, to the party. We come with the understanding and shared value that no one is an acceptable casualty of liberation.

Civil rights march on Washington, D.C
Photo by Library of Congress on Unsplash

Sometimes we must remember the long road. We must take the closest imperfect bus to our destination when it doesn’t go all the way and march our way down the road, generation after generation. Passing along what we have gained and refusing to go back.

Collective liberation doesn’t see my freedom as your continued harm. If you are freed, I cannot be your new target to get the acceptance of oppressors. Exclusion is the thing we exclude. Vitally, we do have one thing we must agree on, that we are tyrants for: No more tyrants.

a group of people walking down a street holding a banner that says Equality without exemptions
Photo by Nikolas Gannon on Unsplash

From Cone to Kendi, from Stonewall to Sherronda J. Brown and Judith Butler and my friends on social media, from the earliest church to the women of modern books, Substacks, podcasts still resisting a patriarchal faith, we learn the only liberation worth having is collective.

If our gospel leads to death for some, it isn’t the Words of Life for any. If our work is only legitimized by those we leave out of it, it isn’t the work of Christ. We start imperfectly and evolve continually to be better. If we uphold the harm, we cannot liberate from it.

Signs saying Boys will be held accountable
Photo by Michelle Ding on Unsplash

asexuality, essays

Answering questions about asexuality

jennadewitt

Aphobia is often rooted in intentional ignorance but contains actual legitimate questions non-hateful people have, but are now afraid to ask after seeing the responses to the aphobic person, which defeats the goal of educating. It’s time to address some of these questions in a safe and open place: here in the Invisible Cake Society!

First: We can generally tell the difference between questions asked respectfully and humbly and questions asked to bully, sea lion, and troll. We’re not perfect, and tone on the Internet is hard, especially when emotionally activated, but be encouraged that educators/activists want you to learn!

Now, let’s get going:

I’m into girls, but I’m also on the aromantic spectrum and asexual. What does that even mean? How can I be all of those!? Well, queerness is a big wibbly wobbly blob of grey areas, not neat boxes. Getting free of boxes is the point. Labels help us connect and communicate. They help us feel less alone, find resources, and form community to work on shared goals and experience belonging in a world that seeks to erase us.

We hear about sexual orientation, but there are others, usually but not always aligned. Romance, platonic, aesthetic, etc.

Also frequency: never, rare, average, or only in specific circumstances.

List of ace spectrum identities
List of ace spectrum identities

So if you rarely experience attraction to girls not boys, and that attraction is mostly nonsexual…

You may be sapphic asexual or ace lesbian, and possibly somewhere on the aromantic spectrum as well.

We then have favorability, indifference, aversion, and repulsion to specific behaviors.

This is different than sex positivity, neutrality, and negativity that are about attitudes toward sex in society.

Chart comparing various attitudes and preferences
Chart comparing various attitudes and preferences

Also generalized desire: you may want to experience kissing but not have a specific person or gender you’re particularly drawn to.

And biological libido/hormones.

All different independent but related things.

Attraction is a word we use with magnets. A fridge door is magnetic even when empty, but if you hold a magnet close, it will react with attraction. Aka, a gay person is still gay even when single or “not getting laid.” Same for straight or bi or pan, etc.

And vice versa, an asexual person is still ace even if they have a sexual partner. That person could be the rare exception of sexual attraction, or someone they love in other ways, or just a fun partner to have a good time with. That’s their business, not yours. Regardless, they are still ace.

We know people can still be straight (and we not only assume it but strictly enforce it as normal) even if they haven’t had sex or dated. But there’s a pressure to prove we aren’t broken or defective so we conform to the norm of romance and sex.

This is broadly called amatonormativity (amato, as in amorous, + normative). Amatonormativity means: the assumption that all people aspire to or have a romantic and sexual relationship at the center of their lives. It is the measure of not only whether you’re similar to others, but your desirability and attractiveness aesthetically and platonically, your success and maturity as an adult, and your character to be a good employee or leader.

“Virginity” is a conservative purity culture term that both honors the purity of a young person (let’s be real, teen girls) and is used as a barb to insult anyone past that “expiration date.”

This is true regardless of your thoughts on abstinence, which is waiting for marriage to have sex. Conservatives and self-proclaimed radical feminists and mainstream culture agree that people without a romantic and sexual relationship by an arbitrary age are societal rejects, undesirable, or sick.

The only part that differs is whether that relationship must be a marriage. Whether it is a hookup buddy or a covenant life partner in the eyes of God, society generally agrees not having one is enough to get you pity and “just get laid” or “needs a girlfriend/boyfriend” comments.

Say you have never or, worse, don’t want, such a relationship, and they lose their minds. How!? Isn’t a romantic and sexual partner a requirement for maturity, health, success, and personal survival??? No, it isn’t.

That’s why while everyone should have the legal right to have romance and sex with any gender, sex and romance are not a “right” you can demand from others. The gender of your partner(s) should not be constrained by law AND ALSO you are not entitled to that relationship from another gender or individual.

This is the consistency of consent. It goes both ways: There is no sexual or romantic liberation without the choice to refuse romance and/or sex. If we’re only fighting for the right to choose the gender of our partner but otherwise chained to the same stigma and shame, that’s not liberation.

If we’re only fighting for the right to choose the gender of our partner but otherwise chained to the same stigma and shame, that’s not liberation.

And yes, I don’t just mean stigma and shame over having had sex or romance but also over NOT having had it or not desiring it.

This liberation benefits not only aro and ace people who are less likely to have partners but EVERYONE who is single, whether by choice or not, divorced or widowed, etc.

In case you haven’t read stats on that lately, that’s roughly half the population. And many of those singles aren’t actively looking for a partner, whether they were partnered before or not.

  • So are asexual people “just straight”? No. Some may have hetero attractions, some have gay or bi or pan to describe their attractions, and some are just aro ace with no attractions. And some are a combination. Remember, people are a wibbly wobbly mush.
  • Is orientation about how much, or the type, or the quality of sex we’ve had or not had? Nope. Attraction and behavior are independent topics. Related, yes. Entirely the same? Not at all.
  • Like magnets, you can change the shortcut terms you use to describe yourself at any time. Maybe in your 20s you were positive that you were a straight, female, sporty, extroverted premed student. Maybe in your 40s now, you are a bi, nonbinary, bookish, ambivert therapist. Labels change! Growth!

Learn more here

asexuality, essays, faith

Asexuality and the gospel of liberation

jennadewitt

It makes sense why queer Christian theology is often heavily sexually centered, given our history, but the best queer theologians balance it with ace inclusion. Not just as a footnote, but as a core goal. The point is ending amatonormativity and gaining collective liberation, which takes all of us—of every gender, orientation, relationship style, race, ability, culture, and more. Rightfully practiced, Christianity—with the words of Jesus at the center—drives us forward to this goal.

Jesus is as clear of an aromantic asexual Christian role model as we could ever ask for! Embracing found family and breaking gender and class binaries are foundational to his life. There’s just no way to read the gospels and come away with a factual interpretation that centers amatonormativity. That doesn’t stop the global church (now or historically), of course, because institutions and patriarchal power structures are best served by amatonormativity and all that comes with it.

When women are free to earn their own money, when singles are equal to married people, when everyone has the same rights and respect regardless of gender or orientation or relationship status or race or disability, we can liberate ourselves from the oppression that power structures are built on. That’s gospel, as Christlike as it gets, but it’s the exact opposite of what those in power want because it would require true humility, servant leadership, the Beatitudes, sacrifice, and loving others as themselves. It would be for the benefit of all, including themselves, but there’s nothing that scares them more than the risk and exposure of vulnerability.

I truly believe the only way forward is shame resilience, tolerance of vulnerability, finding belonging within, and developing healthy, boundaried empathy that leads to freedom beyond anything gatekeeping or virtue signals or scarcity can achieve. That’s work each of us can do, whether by reading books by Brene Brown, Aundi Kolber, and Matthias Roberts; or doing therapy one on one or as a part of a couple or in a group; or listening to podcasts, lectures, or wise friends and leaders who can guide us there.

When we liberate our minds and hearts, we are free to see others who are unimaginably different than us as a gift to the Body of Christ. We aren’t threatened or defensive because we honor what other identities and perspectives can bring that we can’t.

With the fruit of the Spirit as our guide, we lead from a common goal that all will be free: asexual and allosexual, aromantic and alloromantic, queer and allocishet, and more. Single or partnered, parents and childfree, living alone or with others, sexually celibate or abstinent or solo or partnered or open or any combination. Everyone.

But we can’t get there while asexuality (and aromanticism and our respective spectrums) remain erased and invisible in the church. We are vital to the liberation of Christ. We queer queer theology. We challenge norms in ways that rewriting gender rules alone can’t. We defy expectations and push beyond affirming marriage or ordination or any one label or issue in our unique ways, as all letters do if given proper consideration. But for asexuality, it isn’t as simple as churches might think. We are going to ask more than a flag at Pride or a language change, but a mentality shift that will require surrender of structures and norms and old visions and false realities.

But don’t fear. It’s the surrender of flight, falling into the ways of Jesus and finding ourselves held by the wings of love the whole time. That is, if only we have the courage to listen to asexuals, end amatonormativity, and become something so much better: the family of God.

Ornament on a Christmas tree that says Be Proud of Who You Are
Ornament on a Christmas tree that says Be Proud of Who You Are