Category: faith

asexuality, faith, queer, interview

Get to know a-spectrum Christians: Kristen Tallau

jennadewitt

As aromantic- and/or asexual-spectrum Christians and Jesus-adjacent people, it can be hard to believe that we are not alone. There are few examples of us in queer Christian spaces speaking about our experiences, not to mention the broader queer or Christian/faith worlds in general. I want to do my part to change that with this website and connect you with more a-spectrum Christian and Christian-ish people across the internet. This summer, I’m hosting a short Q&A series. If you would like to be included, send me an email using my contact form here.

Kristen Tallau
  1. Hi! We’re so glad you’re here. Can you introduce yourself to the Invisible Cake Society with your name, pronouns, any identity labels you feel like sharing?
    Hello! Thanks for having me! I’m Kristen, pronouns are she/her/hers. I identify as asexual, biromantic, and sapphic, which is basically a fancy way of saying I’m not sexually attracted to anyone, but I am romantically attracted to anyone, and chances are it’ll be a woman.
  2. What do you like to spend your time doing, online or in person, creatively and/or professionally?
    Well, my day job tends to be crazy at times. I work as a video engineer in the corporate conference world, so my days can be anywhere from 4 to 18 hours long. When I have a day off or time to myself, I love baking, especially bread. (Yes, I have watched every series of Great British Bake Off, multiple times! And bread week is always my favourite!) I also enjoy reading, mostly sci fi and adventure for fiction, and I’ve recently started getting back into playing Switch.
    So if anyone has some game recs, I’d love to hear!
  3. When did you hear about aromanticism and asexuality, and when did you realize they described you?
    It was during Pride month of 2018. I was seeing posts from friends about it, and it was the first time I had been seeing people posting about the LGBTQIA+ community with the IA added. The I was easy enough to guess, but I was curious about the A. So, I googled it. And I started reading all these stories from people describing asexuality and their experiences with it, and I realised I was reading about my experience too. Took awhile longer to realise the biromantic and sapphic labels, but finally having something to describe what I had (not) experienced my whole life was so wonderful.
  4. What’s your faith background and how would you describe your relationship with religion/spirituality/faith today?
    I grew up Independent Baptist. Like not quite Duggar-level fundamentalist, but not super far off, either. I had friends who were IBLP (Institute in Basic Life Principles). It got better when my family started attending a Southern Baptist Convention (SBC) church when I was at university. It got even better after I left the SBC. I still follow Jesus, and I would still say I’m a Christian, but it’s the Jesus of the gospels (rather than white Republican Jesus) who loves and welcomes queer people, rather than shutting them out. My faith is still evolving, but it’s still there.
  5. How has your a-spec identity influenced your personal faith?
    It’s made it more inclusive. Realising my own queerness after 30 years of believing being queer is a sin forced me to reexamine a lot of other parts of my faith and expand it to include a wider spectrum of people.
  6. How has your a-spec identity affected your relationship with religious or spiritual communities?
    To be honest, it’s made me more cautious. Being primarily from super fundie spaces means people will misunderstand you, mishear you, and think they know exactly what you’re talking about, and basically anything that ends in the term “sexuality” is generally frowned upon. I was telling a friend at a former church about an interaction I’d had on AVEN’s website, and suddenly one of the elders of the church had run up to the table and interjected with, “You know there won’t be homosexuals in heaven, right? You know that, right?” And then just as quickly ran off. Like, dude, what? Now I wait for people within a church or religious space to prove themselves first before even telling them about my orientation.
  7. How has your faith affected your relationship with the a-spec or larger LGBTQIA+ community?
    If I’m going to truly say that everyone is made imago Dei, that is, in the image of God, that includes all the diversity and variation we see. And that includes the not: the not sexually attracted, the not romantically attracted, the not gender affiliated. It does not make any of us less-than. I see Jesus speaking positively about the queer people of his time, and teaching that sex and marriage will not be a thing in the kingdom. Inclusion means including those for whom something may not apply.
  8. Does your a-spec identity impact your gender identity? Or vice versa?
    Not really. I identify as female, and always have. Realising my asexuality didn’t affect that. Maybe it will in the future, but I have other things to dwell on for now.
  9. What should all a-spec Christians know?
    We are not broken. We are not partial human beings because we aren’t attracted to others in ways they might expect. For my fellow millennial a-specs who are also purity culture survivors, this is especially important.
  10. What do you want the larger affirming LGBTQIA+ and ally Christian community to know about a-spec Christians?
    Our faith is not contingent on our identity, and vice versa. And while so many churches use marriage as an illustration of the “Christian walk,” there are so many more ways to be inclusive of those of us who may not ever marry. Community is the support everyone needs; it just shows up differently for us.
  11. At Invisible Cake Society, we highlight experiences that have been erased or seem invisible to those outside of them. What’s your favorite way to show your a-spectrum Pride?
    I’m a hobbyist baker, so I lean into the cake and garlic bread tropes a lot. Bread actually is my favourite thing to bake, so it makes it easy. It doesn’t necessarily lead to conversations about being a-spec, but when it does, it’s a fun conversation, and either way, you have something to snack on with friends! And who doesn’t love that?
  12. Do you have a favorite example of a-spec representation (whether explicitly stated or not) in media, books, public figures, theater, etc.? What about them resonated with you?
    One is Elsa, from Frozen. Also I high-key relate to her wanting to be alone once everything goes to hell, but that’s beside the point. She’s not your typical Disney princess, looking for her Prince Charming. She’s dealing with learning how she’s not actually broken by being different from others. She’s telling off her sister, Anna, for being boy crazy (I relate to that SO hard), and Elsa is more concerned with doing what she needed to do to be queen rather than finding her own person.

    Another is Dr. Spencer Reid, from Criminal Minds. Granted, I haven’t watched the entire series (it’s so dark!), so I’m not sure if he’s ever presented as actually a-spec, but it does seem to be his thing, even though he does have partners here and there. As someone who’s asexual but also biromantic, it’s great to me to see someone for whom that distinction also seems to exist.
  13. Anything else you want readers to know?
    Trust people when they say they’re aspec. Ask questions to learn. Just like anyone who says they’re gay/trans/etc., please believe us when we say what we are. Trust us. We know.
  14. Where can they follow your work online?
    I’m a cohost on the Where Do We Go From Here? podcast, on the No Hard Feelings segment once a month. Personally, I’m mostly active on Threads and Instagram, where my handle on both is @krtall. I also have a baking Insta @aceofbakes24 where it’s just photos of my baking.
asexuality, faith, interview

Get to know a-spectrum Christians: Paul Willis

jennadewitt

As aromantic- and/or asexual-spectrum Christians and Jesus-adjacent people, it can be hard to believe that we are not alone. There are few examples of us in queer Christian spaces speaking about our experiences, not to mention the broader queer or Christian/faith worlds in general. I want to do my part to change that with this website and connect you with more a-spectrum Christian and Christian-ish people across the internet. This summer, I’m hosting a short Q&A series. If you would like to be included, send me an email using my contact form here.

PaulWillis
  1. Hi! We’re so glad you’re here. Can you introduce yourself to the Invisible Cake Society with your name, pronouns, any identity labels you feel like sharing?
    So honoured to be invited to take part in this! I’m Paul, he/him. I identify currently as asexual—more specifically navigating the spaces of greysexuality, aegosexual expression, and demisexuality (where sexual attraction has only ever flickered into place after a deep, secure emotional connection is formed). I am very aware of an aesthetic and emotional attraction to women, though I’m still figuring out whether heteroromantic or aromantic describes the romantic side of that best!

  2. What do you like to spend your time doing, online or in person, creatively and/or professionally?
    My day job is a civil servant in the UK Government, helping and supporting people into employment. When I’m not at work, I spend creative time playing piano and viola (not at the same time!). I am also deeply passionate about exploring the landscape around me; I love walking in nature and visiting medieval churches, finding a lot of peace in their history, spirituality and architecture. I’m a fan of movies and TV drama and documentaries, and I’m an avid reader—mostly non-fiction around spirituality and the faith journey, but I’m also a fan of the Sister Fidelma mysteries by Peter Tremayne.

  3. When did you hear about aromanticism and asexuality, and when did you realize they described you?
    For many years, I carried the weight of a complex relationship history. My first marriage lasted seven years and bore us two children, but ultimately broke down under the weight of several painful factors, including the impact of a late miscarriage. My second marriage—a blended family with teenage step-children—also lasted seven years, but eventually just faded away and I found myself single again.

    It was a few years after this when I finally encountered the term asexuality and it felt like a profound shift. Realizing that this described me was the missing piece of the puzzle; suddenly, my entire relationship history fell into place. Looking back through that lens, the long-standing confusion melted away, allowing me to view my past marriages and my whole life journey with a deep sense of peace, clarity, and self-compassion.

  4. What’s your faith background and how would you describe your relationship with religion/spirituality/faith today?
    I was brought up in a village in Kent in the UK by Christian parents and attended our local Baptist church. It was pretty standard evangelical stuff—two services on Sundays, midweek prayer meetings, and youth groups. It gave me a very structured, traditional foundation. In my early 20s, I spent two pivotal years working at Lee Abbey—a Christian hotel, retreat, and conference centre on the North Devon coast run by a community of volunteers. That experience was foundational for my spiritual direction and journey, opening me to wide diversity of faith traditions, worship styles and spiritual practices. After leaving that environment, I went through a long, 15-year period of secularism—wandering through a spiritual desert of deconstruction where the old answers no longer held up. It wasn’t until 2019 that the seeds of something new began to take root. Today, I identify as a contemplative Christian, finding my spiritual home in a very personal, experiential blend of traditions. My practice is grounded as a regular attender at my local Quaker meeting, beautifully woven together with Celtic Christian spirituality and an Open and Relational theology. I’m very comfortable with mystery and prefer having questions that cannot be answered than answers that cannot be questioned. I am a spiritual wanderer!

  5. How has your a-spec identity influenced your personal faith?
    As someone who didn’t identify as ace until their 50s it’s interesting to look back and realise that even when I assumed I was heterosexual I always considered myself an ally to the LGBTQIA+ community. Not in an outspoken way, but just quietly aligning myself with the view that love is love, etc. I was raised in that teaching that said the Bible condemns same-sex relationships, but I could never quite accept that; and when I was going through my teens and early 20s—school, college, and even at Lee Abbey—as I formed friendships with people who were openly queer and got to know them as people, I could not view them as the “deviants” I had been raised to see in, you know, that “Love the sinner, hate the sin” stance.

  6. How has your a-spec identity affected your relationship with religious or spiritual communities?
    I think it’s put me at odds with some of my friends from that time at Lee Abbey. We’re all still in touch, 30 years on, online and through the occasional reunions. But I’m very respectful and honouring of other people’s faith journeys and positions. I’m aware that some still attend quite evangelical churches, but others I’ve chatted to have been on similar journeys to mine and are now also much more explorers of faith and so are comfortable when I say I’m asexual.

  7. How has your faith affected your relationship with the a-spec or larger LGBTQIA+ community?
    I’ll be honest, as a quiet introvert I’ve never really had a close relationship with those larger groups and communities. I’ll support and promote them on social media, but I’ve never been one for being loudly out and proud or attending big Pride events. My advocacy is much more quiet and personal.

  8. Does your a-spec identity impact your gender identity? Or vice versa?
    I don’t feel it impacts my gender identity directly—I’m comfortable identifying as a cisgender man. However, it definitely impacted how I viewed my gender roles. Growing up, there is a lot of societal pressure on men to be hyper-focused on dating, pursuing, and sex. Realising I am a-spec allowed me to let go of those rigid cultural expectations of what “being a man” is supposed to look like, which was incredibly liberating.

  9. What should all a-spec Christians know?
    The ultimate message of the Gospel is that God is Love. This is stated so many times in the Bible, especially in the New Testament and the Gospels. What all a-spec Christians should know is that you’re loved exactly as you are. Being true to yourself, learning to love yourself, and loving your neighbour—without the requirement of conforming to amative or romantic norms—is the very essence of living out that divine love.

  10. What do you want the larger affirming LGBTQIA and ally Christian community to know about a-spec Christians?
    A-spec Christians are just as valid—and valued—as anyone else.

  11. At Invisible Cake Society, we highlight experiences that have been erased or seem invisible to those outside of them. What’s your favorite way to show your a-spectrum Pride?
    Because I’m an introvert, my favourite way to show Pride isn’t through big public displays, but through quiet authenticity. For me, that looks like embracing my passions and leaning into the quiet places where I feel most connected. I find my resetting spaces in nature and through my twice-yearly retreats in the Yorkshire Pennines. It’s about being comfortable in my own skin, sharing my story when it matters, and creating spaces where others feel permitted to step away from the pressure of compulsory romance. Taking part in this interview is a big step in visibility for me!

  12. Do you have a favorite example of a-spec representation (whether explicitly stated or not) in media, books, public figures, theater, etc.? What about them resonated with you?
    To be honest, I haven’t come across many explicit examples of a-spec representation in the media I consume. However, as an avid reader and TV viewer, I always find myself drawn to stories that highlight deep, loyal friendships, intellectual companionship, or partnerships where the emotional bond is the anchor of the story, rather than standard Hollywood romance.

  13. Anything else you want readers to know?
    Just that it is never too late to discover who you are. Finding the words for my identity in my 50s didn’t change me; it just gave me the map to understand the landscape I’d been walking my whole life. If you’re in a spiritual or personal desert right now, have patience with yourself. The wanderings are part of the journey.

  14. Where can they follow your work online?
    I keep a fairly quiet profile online these days, but I keep a private Instagram account I update frequently, and you can occasionally find my spiritual ponderings on my Substack. All my links are here: https://linktr.ee/pcwillis.

allyship, asexuality, faith, queer

The point of all this

jennadewitt

I want to be absolutely clear: The end goal is no more nonaffirming churches. Not a “diversity of thought” that’s just rewriting purity codes. Not a “range of opinions” with a variety of ways to exclude and dehumanize and tolerate “separate but equal.” Not a bare minimum. Not an “I love you but.”

Whether these churches accept correct, just, God-honoring theology or simply fade into history as factories of shame and harm and fake-nice, the collective liberation vision does not include nonaffirming theologies. Affirming theology *is* correct theology. We have beat around the bush long enough.

The mainline squandered opportunity after opportunity to draw that line, and we’re seeing the fruit of that, but we’re also seeing the fruit of the risk, the courage, the willingness to say NO to fence-riding and big-tent and “inclusive of all, the marginalized and the powers behind marginalization.”

In Christ, gender is not a factor for whether a marriage is holy, for whether sex is sinful, for whether someone is qualified to lead, serve, parent, teach, adopt, or write, for when passion is lust or love is healthy. That doesn’t mean we abandon discernment, but that gender isn’t relevant to it.

We are uncompromising in that. Lesbian, gay, bi/pan/+, trans/nonbinary/genderqueer, intersex, asexual/aromantic/agender, and all other kinds of queerness are not just permitted but *required* for the full reflection of the image of God and the accurate representation of the Kingdom come on earth.

Churches that factor in gender to who is permitted to do what are not only harmful, even deadly, for a small subset of the population. That is too minimizing. They are lacking in faithfulness. They are missing out on our gifts and our presence, but they are also missing out on the real, true God.

Conviction isn’t the enemy. Just like how becoming affirming isn’t “throwing out sexual ethics” or “there are no rules” or “rewriting history/the Bible,” it also isn’t an accommodation we’re asking for, a way to boost your Good Person points, or a secondary issue. It’s accurate, correct, right.

Have the courage to say so. Have the willingness to exclude the intolerant beliefs and opinions while honoring the need to listen, learn, grow, influence, and teach. It’s not about excluding individuals; it’s about setting our doctrinal truth, our policies, our reason for being.

Conservatives will panic: “See, the crazy liberals want to erase us! They want to eradicate us! They discriminate against us! The intolerant left!” Yes. I do. I want to erase the possibility that any queer kid grows up thinking God hates, Jesus is ashamed, or the Spirit would take away their joy.

I want to eradicate queer death, suffering, rejection, and homelessness. I do discriminate against bigotry and hate and fear-peddling propaganda lies. I want the world to stop tolerating violence, inequality, and terror in the name of “religious freedom,” “thought diversity,” and “broad umbrellas.”

We refuse anything less as the destination. The future is one where every church is practicing and preaching the truth, the life, the freedom, and the blessing that is only reflected with full queer welcome, inclusion, affirmation, belonging, and leadership at every level.

essays, faith

Bread Trek 2025

jennadewitt

I had two big goals for the year: I wanted to watch all of Star Trek, and I wanted to bake my own bread. Neither of which I had any experience in.

With the exception of the 3D animated show Star Trek: Prodigy, I have accomplished the first through a year of binge watching. But the second is not one of those things you just do once and check off the list.

Dough dripping over the side into the oven

It started out rough, as I was warned it might. The dough overwhelmed the pan and dripped all over the oven because I didn’t know to put a baking sheet underneath. The dough was messy and sticky, and so much got on my hands that I wondered if it would affect the size of the loaf. I didn’t have a stand mixer, and this was far beyond the capabilities of my hand mixer, so I tried using a wooden spoon to knead instead, which was much harder and not very effective.

Continue reading “Bread Trek 2025” →
faith, queer, resources

Queer Christian History

jennadewitt

We have a long, complicated history as a queer Christian community. It’s crucial that we preserve, learn, and grow from that history with each generation that follows so we know who we are, that we are not a new trend, and that “tradition” is in the eye of the historian. We are proud to have a deep, rich history of faithful love and justice work, standing strong in our God-given identities. LGBTQIA+ Christians have always been here. Our stories were just erased. Make the invisible visible again in remembering them:

The LGBTQ+ Religious Archives Network

The LGBTQ Religious Archives Network (LGBTQ-RAN) is an innovative venture in preserving history and encouraging scholarly study of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) religious movements around the world. LGBTQ-RAN has a two-fold basic purpose.

Second, LGBTQ-RAN provides an electronic information clearinghouse for these archival collections and other historical data about LGBTQ religious history for the use of historians, researchers and other interested persons.

First, it assists LGBTQ religious leaders and groups in determining how best to preserve their records and papers in appropriate repositories.

Center for LGBTQ and Gender Studies in Religion

The Center for LGBTQ and Gender Studies in Religion (CLGS) was established at Pacific School of Religion in Berkeley, California and opened its doors in the fall of 2000.

CLGS Archives Project

Whosoever Magazine

Since 1996, Whosoever has existed to publish resources, primarily in the form of curated content, for those who seek a deeper understanding of the truly loving God, whose unconditional love is experienced as boundless grace.

Queer Saints Project

The Queer Saints Project began as a collaboration between the artist, Jason Tseng, and Judson Memorial Church, a historic church located in New York City’s West Village neighborhood. In 2018, Judson commissioned Tseng to create icons of LGBTQIA+ ancestors, to celebrate their inherent divinity, honor their contributions, and reclaim them as queer saints. The goal is to raise awareness and funds for the LGBTQIA+ community using these transcendent images that glorify and celebrate the miracle that is queerness.

The LGBTQ History Project

QSpirit: LGBTQ Saints, Queer Saints

Kittredge Cherry provides profiles and a saints day calendar that ask “What if” in queering the Bible and Christian history, as well as recognizing modern-day and historical queer people of faith in ways the church has largely ignored. Dare to imagine, explore, question, and enjoy beyond the normative and cisheteropatriarchical-assumed stories we’ve been taught.

Making Gay History: Rev. Carolyn Mobley-Bowie

Growing up in the segregated South, Rev. Carolyn Mobley-Bowie knew the challenge of finding an accepting place in the world—a challenge that only grew when her attraction to women came into conflict with her devotion to God. The predominantly gay Metropolitan Community Church offered refuge.

OutHistory: Religion and Homosexuality in the United States, by John D’Emilio and His Students

An essay by historian John D’Emilio “On Teaching Religion and Homosexuality in the U.S.,” and six chronologies on religion and homosexuality in the United States. First published on OutHistory in 2014.

Associated Press: A brief and incomplete, but helpful, overview of mainline denominations’ shifts on LGBTQIA+ inclusion in ordination, leadership, and marriage.

This timeline highlights key milestones and flashpoints within the UMC, Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.), Episcopal Church, Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, United Church of Christ, as well as in civic life.

By affirming denomination

Your experience may vary, but overall, these denominations have come to a broadly LGBTQIA+ affirming stance and hold socially progressive theology.

Metropolitan Community Church

When We All Get to Heaven

When We All Get to Heaven is a documentary project that tells the story of one of the first gay-positive churches, the Metropolitan Community Church of San Francisco, and how it faced the personal, social, and political trials of the AIDS epidemic, including the deaths of 500 of its members.

The Classical Ideas Podcast: EP 197: We Who Must Die Demand a Miracle and MCC San Francisco w/Dr. Lynne Gerber

Dr. Lynne Gerber (she/her/hers) is an independent scholar. She is the author of Seeking the Straight and Narrow: Weight Loss and Sexual-Reorientation in Evangelical America (Chicago, 2011). She is currently working on a history of religion and HIV/AIDS in San Francisco.

Queercore podcast: The Radical Priest: Rev Troy Perry (Season 4; Ep 8)

He’s preaching revolution! In this episode, Reverend Troy Perry, founder of the Metropolitan Community Church, joins us to chart his unlikely journey from Southern Baptist roots to gay‐affirming ministry and queer liberation. He recalls founding MCC in his living room in 1968, officiating groundbreaking same-sex marriages, and fighting for dignity when society told him faith and queerness could never co-exist.

There were fires—literal and metaphorical—that threatened his church, courtroom battles, and protests in the street. Through it all, he held onto something radical: that God loves us all, fully and without apology. Tune in to witness faith as resistance and prophecy as sanctuary.

United Methodist LGBTQIA+ History

Affirmation was founded in 1972 and went on to establish Reconciling Ministries. Affirmation was the first group to include Transgender people and was the first to provide direct support to LGBTQ+ people in Uganda and Kenya.

As the Church embraces a more inclusive and hopeful future, the Center exists to intentionally collect, preserve, and share the stories of Queer individuals whose voices, ministries, and faith have long been marginalized. Through this work, the LGBTQ+ UMC Heritage Board is tasked with ensuring LGBTQ+ people and their legacy in the Church can move forward unapologetically to be seen, celebrated, and empowered in the fullness of who they are.

Dedicated page for profiles of notable clergy and lay people, oral histories, online exhibits, and digital archive collections from the UMC.

Episcopal LGBTQIA+ History

  • TransEpiscopal – TransEpiscopal is a group of transgender, nonbinary, and allied Episcopalians dedicated to fostering the full embrace of trans and nonbinary people, and our loved ones within the Episcopal Church and to inspiring faith-based advocacy for trans and nonbinary justice in the wider world.
  • LGBTQIA+ Episcopal History – Faithful Episcopalians have been working toward a greater understanding and radical inclusion of all of God’s children for nearly a half-century.

United Church of Christ LGBTQIA+ History

  • Open and Affirming Coalition – Beginning in 1969, the United Church of Christ has advocated for the LGBT community. From the campaign to decriminalize same-sex relationships to support for marriage equality, the UCC has made a difference in the lives of LGBT citizens and their families. The issues have changed over the decades, but the basic commitment to full inclusion and human rights remains the same.

Presbyterian Church USA LGBTQIA+ History

  • Timeline of LGBTQIA+ History – The Presbyterian Historical Society has created a timeline of LGBTQIA+ related history in the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.). The stories included show how church members’ perspectives as well as the language used to speak about sexuality shifted throughout decades of advocacy work by LGBTQIA+ Presbyterians and allies.

ELCA (Lutheran) LGBTQIA+ History

Brethren and Mennonite Council LGBTQIA+ History

  • Oral history project at the Center for Queer Studies – Amy Short, in her work on the BMC Elder History Project, has been busy collecting stories, primarily from older BMC individuals, but also from some younger ones as well. Currently she has over 40 hours of taped interviews that will be preserved for their archives, with some utilized for trainings or simply shared as a celebration of their strength and variety as a community.
  • “Repent of the Sins of Homophobia”: The Rise of Queer Mennonite Leaders by Rachel Waltner Goossen

United Church of Canada

Quakers in Britain

Other notable groups in LGBTQIA+ Christian History:

Many more to come! If you have more queer Christian history/archival sites to suggest, please submit them via DMs on Bsky, Threads, Instagram, Substack, Discord, or Facebook (all under @ jennadewitt), or send me an email at jennadewitt (at) gmail (dot) com.

essays, faith, queer

Your life is not a hero trial

jennadewitt

And God isn’t interested in creating obstacles for you to earn heaven points.

photo of man walking on rope tree
Photo by Stephanie Ecate on Unsplash

“Everything within me wants [romantic and sexual] love, but as queer Christians, we have to trust that if God is denying us what we desire and making us suffer, then it’s for the best!”

OR perhaps you can trust that not only does God create you with good and holy desires but you weren’t meant to reject them. God is not interested in crafting tests for you so that you can prove you’re worthy. Trust God enough to see the evidence around you that you can call goodness good and not wait around for a secret mystical reveal that you can earn more holiness, prosperity, heavenly treasure, or a bigger payoff through a morality obstacle course divinely designed to trip you up.

The mythology of gods who make games of people’s lives out of boredom or demand tests to prove loyalty and worthiness are not our stories. That’s not Christianity rightly practiced, even if that’s Christianity traditionally practiced. We can stop doing this. The world has enough loneliness and suffering as it is. God has bigger stuff going on than toying with you or creating hero trials.

Collective liberation theology is the antidote to this. You do not have to manufacture pain for yourself. If you are denying healthy, natural, freeing love in favor of imposed suffering, there is nothing of God in that. We have too much to do here to be distracted by “how far is too far” rules.

God does not create you with an orientation or gender you are supposed to spend all your time, energy, resources, etc. changing or suppressing or creating elaborate rules for. Our time, energy, resources, and more are so precious and limited. Just be who you are and get to work for justice and good. The needs and crises around us are too great.

We have far too much pain in the world already that we are the God-given answer to. We are the solution, not burdened with creating more fake problems. When we’re busy over here debating whose romantic and sexual relationships are valid or who gets to be their gender, we can’t fulfill our calling.

I don’t understand those seeing hunger, loneliness, homelessness, fear, addiction, despair, prejudice, injustice, and more and then going, “You know what we need? MORE of this! God must have a plan to redeem it if we just trust and obey gender roles! That’s where our money and energy and time should go! More sex rules, exclusion, and rigid gender boxes!”

Collective liberation means affirming theology isn’t about “selfishness,” etc. It’s about getting all of this legalistic shit out of the way so we can be free to focus on the real work. Let people live, love, transition, marry, and be how they were made. The real stuff is too urgent.

If your “values” and “beliefs” are about creating gender-based rules and sexual morality codes and labeling it a “calling” to suffer through for the sake of holiness than creating more peace, hope, joy, and love in the world, change your values and reset your priorities. We have too many actual, practical problems we must act on. We can’t waste our lives policing our thoughts and behaviors and relationships to keep them from trying to align in integrity with our God-given identities. Not to mention other people’s relationships and bodies that don’t affect us! Every minute spent on trying to adhere to a norm we can never fit and creating more suffering to be one day rewarded for our heroic self-denial is a minute that could have been spent on alleviating the actual suffering in the world, including our own very real problems and the fallout of others’ queerphobia.

Biblical celibacy is part of biblical sexuality: It isn’t about which genders get married or have sex. Biblical celibacy and biblical sexuality are when you aren’t distracted from the real calling of loving others by rule-following, drama, angst, self-imposed or church-imposed misery, loneliness, temptation-resisting tests, and all the other manufactured fears and obstacles. These keep us focused on ourselves and our own purity so that we never get to the part where we get free, where we dismantle injustice, where we oppose and defeat patriarchy, White supremacy, queerphobia, ableism, systemic poverty, xenophobia, and all other evils.

You have to do what is more effective and efficient for the real work of bringing justice and flourishing, on earth as it is in heaven. Be celibate if that’s what is freeing you to do the work in authenticity, in wholeness, without distraction (like it is for me!). Have sex if that’s what frees you to do the work in authenticity, in wholeness, without distraction. Living your values should empower you to do justice and love mercy, not burden you with morality hand-wringing and pearl-clutching. Follow the fruit of the Spirit in your life toward liberation for all. That will have you focused more on bringing love, hope, and flourishing to the world than looking at your own behaviors and purity performance to pass a vague and cruel divine test.

Our God is not abusive or cruel or bored or dangling a carrot while hitting us with a stick. God is not a drill sergeant or a prosperity promiser or a manipulator or a lab rat maze designer or a puppet master. God doesn’t work like a capitalist or a merit badge system or a game show host or a trickster con man.

God IS Love. That love is demonstrated, unashamed, and unearned. It is not deception or a hustle or a scheme. It doesn’t create problems for the sake of a trust exercise or set contradictory expectations to raise life’s difficulty level. Love doesn’t hide at the finish line after a lifetime of gold stars and perfect grades and queerness-control performance reviews. Ours is the God of vibrant life, of integrity and of constancy, a God of Creation and joy, of overflowing goodness and hope and peace, a God of gentleness and patience, of faithfulness and kindness, of the self-control that comes with empathy and generosity. The truth sets us free, and with that freedom, we can tear down obstacles like holy hustle tests, purity culture, gender roles, unnecessary distractions, and systems of oppression. With collective liberation, we can focus on spreading love and flourishing throughout all the world.

disability, faith, Mental health, neurodivergence, resources

Progressive Christianity and neurodivergence

jennadewitt

Justin, Ell, and I hosted a gathering for neurodivergent progressive Christians for Disability Pride Month 2025. Though this year’s event was not specifically for asexual and aromantic people, there is significant overlap with these communities, which was reflected in this discussion. (See our previous conversations about the a-spec Christian intersection here.)  

Discussion questions:

  1. How has your neurodivergence affected your experience of Christianity? 
  1. How has your faith affected your experience of being neurodivergent?
  1. How have you been supported by your community?
  1. What challenges have you encountered in your communities?
  1. How can the Christian community as a whole better support and uplift neurodivergent people? What can Christianity learn from neurodivergent people and their lived experience?
  1. What encouragement/words of affirmation can you share with other neurodivergent Christians?
  2. What spiritual practices, resources or supports have helped you with your neurodivergence and faith?

asexuality, essays, faith

Asexuality and the gospel of liberation

jennadewitt

It makes sense why queer Christian theology is often heavily sexually centered, given our history, but the best queer theologians balance it with ace inclusion. Not just as a footnote, but as a core goal. The point is ending amatonormativity and gaining collective liberation, which takes all of us—of every gender, orientation, relationship style, race, ability, culture, and more. Rightfully practiced, Christianity—with the words of Jesus at the center—drives us forward to this goal.

Jesus is as clear of an aromantic asexual Christian role model as we could ever ask for! Embracing found family and breaking gender and class binaries are foundational to his life. There’s just no way to read the gospels and come away with a factual interpretation that centers amatonormativity. That doesn’t stop the global church (now or historically), of course, because institutions and patriarchal power structures are best served by amatonormativity and all that comes with it.

When women are free to earn their own money, when singles are equal to married people, when everyone has the same rights and respect regardless of gender or orientation or relationship status or race or disability, we can liberate ourselves from the oppression that power structures are built on. That’s gospel, as Christlike as it gets, but it’s the exact opposite of what those in power want because it would require true humility, servant leadership, the Beatitudes, sacrifice, and loving others as themselves. It would be for the benefit of all, including themselves, but there’s nothing that scares them more than the risk and exposure of vulnerability.

I truly believe the only way forward is shame resilience, tolerance of vulnerability, finding belonging within, and developing healthy, boundaried empathy that leads to freedom beyond anything gatekeeping or virtue signals or scarcity can achieve. That’s work each of us can do, whether by reading books by Brene Brown, Aundi Kolber, and Matthias Roberts; or doing therapy one on one or as a part of a couple or in a group; or listening to podcasts, lectures, or wise friends and leaders who can guide us there.

When we liberate our minds and hearts, we are free to see others who are unimaginably different than us as a gift to the Body of Christ. We aren’t threatened or defensive because we honor what other identities and perspectives can bring that we can’t.

With the fruit of the Spirit as our guide, we lead from a common goal that all will be free: asexual and allosexual, aromantic and alloromantic, queer and allocishet, and more. Single or partnered, parents and childfree, living alone or with others, sexually celibate or abstinent or solo or partnered or open or any combination. Everyone.

But we can’t get there while asexuality (and aromanticism and our respective spectrums) remain erased and invisible in the church. We are vital to the liberation of Christ. We queer queer theology. We challenge norms in ways that rewriting gender rules alone can’t. We defy expectations and push beyond affirming marriage or ordination or any one label or issue in our unique ways, as all letters do if given proper consideration. But for asexuality, it isn’t as simple as churches might think. We are going to ask more than a flag at Pride or a language change, but a mentality shift that will require surrender of structures and norms and old visions and false realities.

But don’t fear. It’s the surrender of flight, falling into the ways of Jesus and finding ourselves held by the wings of love the whole time. That is, if only we have the courage to listen to asexuals, end amatonormativity, and become something so much better: the family of God.

Ornament on a Christmas tree that says Be Proud of Who You Are
Ornament on a Christmas tree that says Be Proud of Who You Are

asexuality, essays, faith

Shame boxes and liberation

jennadewitt

You’re going to hear me say a phrase a lot: “Sexual liberation includes the choice not to have sex.” What do I mean?

Sex-negative purity culture and celibacy-shaming culture are part of the same harmful system with moving goalposts. Both force sex on us.

The fight is not purity culture vs. hookup culture. The fight is true sexual liberation and self-agency against mandates controlling our bodies. No one can tell you you have to have sex in order to be good, normal, healthy, or mature. Not in marriage, not in singleness.

If sex positivity ends when “no” is said too often, expressed too confidently, or extends to a certain age before it’s “not normal! Humans NEED sex!”, that’s not sex positivity. It’s still a form of purity culture with a different set of rules you’re forced to play by. Other people’s standards.

Purity culture isn’t about abstaining from sex. It’s about putting strict rules on when you *must* have it. Secular culture simply removes the marriage element. There’s something “wrong” with you if you’re a “sad virgin” at 21, they say. “He just needs to get laid.” “What a frigid bitch.” etc.

If you don’t have sex, whether in marriage or out of it, you’re a freak. Doctors want to find out why you’re sick. Therapists worry about you and think if you just tried dating or hooking up, you’d find healing. Friends don’t trust you because surely you have to have something wrong with you.

No, maybe family doesn’t kick you out, but they sure as hell pity you and look down on you and shame you. You’re a joke. You’re a political jab. You’re a concern. The GOP wants to make you an example of all the things wrong with this country. “Your body, my choice” they scream now.

trigger warning: SA

You have to worry about getting pregnant even if you don’t want to have sex ever because telling men that leads to them thinking it’s a challenge. We call it corrective rape. Correcting what’s wrong with us.

Meanwhile conversion therapy plays out for us every day because we’re considered mentally or physically ill if we don’t have sex by (16? 18? 22? 30? 45?). No one has to make a “Side X” or “nonaffirming” camp for asexuality because it’s the air we breathe. It’s everyone around us.

Even those who consider themselves affirming of us think of it as a niche, for “those people.” Good for them, but for NORMAL people, you know, real humans need sex. Real adults mature into wanting sex. Real liberated people say “yes.” The consent is for us to feel morally, culturally pure about it, not for you to actually refuse over and over. And certainly not forever. Eventually, you’re “supposed to” want it.

But maybe you don’t. Whether by orientation or interest or opinion or lack of suitable options.

I’m not at risk of being excommunicated for staying celibate and single by church policy. I’m at risk of being excommunicated from society by refusing to let men use my body for things I don’t want just so I can meet some developmental norm or perceived biological need (of theirs, of course) or hit a milestone or rite of passage to prove I’m not “weird” or “broken” or making others uncomfortable.

Is it better than being kicked out of a home as a teen? Sure. Am I still fighting every day to get people to see the harm of amatonormativity and allonormativity? Now and always.

Liberation and bodily autonomy.

If that’s what you’re for, you are united with us in the same fight against purity culture. If this feels like a threat to you, consider liberating yourself and those around you from the shame boxes altogether. Both the purity culture box and the not-sexual-enough shame box.

Collective liberation is for all of us to have the freedom to determine our own choices, about our bodies and identities and lives. It’s shaping the kind of society we want to live in. We have to think bigger than judging people for the sex they have or haven’t had. That’s not enough. Liberation respects, trusts, and honors each of us living as our whole selves authentically true to our needs and what is freedom to us.

allyship, faith, queer, resources

Worship resources for affirming churches

jennadewitt

Explore the links on this page for liturgies, devotionals, worship services, naming rites, marriage ceremonies, prayers, songs, Bible commentaries, and more.

A Sanctified Art

Word Made Queer

Our Bible

Enfleshed

A Place in God’s Heart, A Place at Christ’s Table published by the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force

Illustrated Ministry graphics

Many Voices

Common Word

Sam Lundquist

Out in Scripture reflections on the HRC

Creating Sanctuary UK – Prayers and reflections guide

Parity

Music

Worship resources created by denominational LGBTQIA+ advocacy organizations but open to all churches:

See the Queer Christian resources list for more!