Month: July 2024

Every time I get a little freer
I grieve who I could have been all along
It could have been this easy
I didn't know that I was wrong

I know it takes a journey
I know I needed time
But part of joy is aching
For the me I left behind

She'll never get to be this me
At 17 or 23
What I wouldn't give to give her
A life always this free

I grieve for my own body
My heart and brain got hurt a lot
So many years to get here
I did what I was taught

I grieve for the gift
I didn't know I could take,
that I could take it slow
All the friends I'd make

I needed longing met with kindness
And not just affirmation of ambition
I needed empathy and wisdom
Not expectations or a mission

I wish I could go back there
To tell her spread her wings
But she'd just say That's pretty
And buy butterfly earrings

I wish I had listened
When they sang I hope you dance
Because dancing isn't fun when
You fear every judging glance

Today I heard that solitude
Is just the liberty
From others' loud opinions
And rest starts with loving me

I know that in the future
I will look back to the me here
Mourning that I didn't know
Liberation from my fear