Category: queer

essays, queer

What’s one thing every queer Christian/Jesus-adjacent person of faith should do at least once in their lives?

jennadewitt

Perhaps cliche, perhaps meaning more from someone with social anxiety:

Please, at least once, attend a Pride festival. Find one that’s in a mid-size town (mine was Aurora, Illinois, for example!) and bring a friend or acquaintance if you’re nervous. You don’t have to use your legal name to go, you don’t have to be IN the parade, you don’t have to understand or know all the trivia first, you don’t have to drink alcohol or have sex, you don’t even have to know your labels or if you’re queer at all. Go observe, play some street fair games, buy from a local artisan, wear bright colors or rainbows or things that look like your flag if you know what it is.

Selfie of a girl with an asexual heart sticker on a phone case
More subtle Pride selfie

For example, as an asexual girl, I wore black shorts and sandals, a purple and black shirt with a vague feminist Girls Rule the World (ironically from Victoria’s Secret haha), and a white undershirt. You CAN be as bold and bright as you want, but you can also be subtle too. Go at your own pace and comfort level. If you’re up for sloppy buzzed at drag brunch on mimosas and PDA with your visibly queer partner, go for it! If you’re just stopping by anonymously on your way to the store because you “love local culture” and “celebrate community in your city,” hear me when I say that is okay!

The scariest part is the conservative protestors. Stay away from them your first time. Don’t get into Bible battles or argue theology. Ignore, walk around, cross the street, pick a spot far from them where the music drowns out their hate, strike up conversations with people standing around unoccupied near you, especially if they have kids or are new to this too or look like they know what they are doing and are just chilling. This may require some small talk, so if that’s emotionally draining for you, don’t stress about it. Just know if you need to to feel safe or if you have a question, everyone NOT shouting is pretty friendly.

If a parade is too much, look at the schedule and just attend the markets and shows so you can leave at any time. Mind the temperature and dress accordingly (including sunscreen and WATER water water). But don’t be afraid to go. It’s just rainbow Fourth of July (or insert local parade holiday here) in small and mid-size cities.

A girl in Pride gear
Me after Pride now haha

Even better is asking your affirming organization/hobby group/small business/sports team/school committee/club/church to host a booth (get connected to the festival organizers and then pass along what they say to your own leaders to have a finance/planning/outreach/service committee meeting about it NOW and don’t wait until the week before in May or June). You can use the booth to hand out water, stickers, magnets, flyers with your clear affirming stance and info to get connected, etc. Or you can join the Human Rights Campaign, Free Mom/Dad Hugs, PFLAG, or another similar organization always looking for volunteers. Leave time to walk around and enjoy Pride yourself too.

But even if you are an introvert’s introvert, or a socially anxious neurodivergent of any energy personality type, at least once when geographically possible, go be with our people in all your rainbow glory. It may take more than once to feel comfortable there. That’s okay. Just go and be in the same physical space and feel less isolated and despairing as you marinate in the joy and community and connection. Even if you don’t make a new friend or join a new group or sing karaoke or have a party bone in your body. Bring home a sticker or ribbon or locally crafted item or something, just to remind yourself every day that you were there and it is real still, in every queer and allied heart around you.

allyship, aromanticism, asexuality, queer, resources

The Queer Identities Flowchart

jennadewitt
  • LGBTQIA overview
  • L G B and Q
  • A spectrum
  • Gender spectrum
  • Intersex and plus

I’m hoping this flowchart can help everyone understand that the letters aren’t just a jumble of alphabet soup, but there is an organized system behind each one. It’s easier to see if you click the arrows to navigate through each slide, focusing on a specific section. These concepts are pretty much a multiple-choice test.

Orientation options include:

  • Attracted to the other binary gender
  • Attracted to my gender
  • Gender isn’t a factor
  • Attracted to multiple genders
  • Don’t know/don’t need to specify
  • Rarely or in certain situations
  • Just sexual
  • Just romantic
  • None of the above

Gender options include:

  • Same as the one everyone expected when I was born (“assigned at birth”)
  • No gender
  • Fluid or more than one gender or a gender not in the binary
  • The other binary gender of the one everyone expected when I was born

Intersex identities and other variations of queerness are also included.

Open these in a new tab or zoom in to explore!

LGBTQIA overview
A spectrum
Gender spectrum
Intersex and plus

Hope these are helpful! This is meant to be the start of the conversation, not the end point. Explore more in-depth and specific identities here: https://lgbtqia.wiki/wiki/LGBTQIA%2B_Wiki:FAQ

disability, neurodivergence, Poetry, queer

Every time I get a little freer

jennadewitt 
Every time I get a little freer
I grieve who I could have been all along
It could have been this easy
I didn't know that I was wrong

I know it takes a journey
I know I needed time
But part of joy is aching
For the me I left behind

She'll never get to be this me
At 17 or 23
What I wouldn't give to give her
A life always this free

I grieve for my own body
My heart and brain got hurt a lot
So many years to get here
I did what I was taught

I grieve for the gift
I didn't know I could take,
that I could take it slow
All the friends I'd make

I needed longing met with kindness
And not just affirmation of ambition
I needed empathy and wisdom
Not expectations or a mission

I wish I could go back there
To tell her spread her wings
But she'd just say That's pretty
And buy butterfly earrings

I wish I had listened
When they sang I hope you dance
Because dancing isn't fun when
You fear every judging glance

Today I heard that solitude
Is just the liberty
From others' loud opinions
And rest starts with loving me

I know that in the future
I will look back to the me here
Mourning that I didn't know
Liberation from my fear

allyship, faith, queer, resources

Worship resources for affirming churches

jennadewitt

Explore the links on this page for liturgies, devotionals, worship services, naming rites, marriage ceremonies, prayers, songs, Bible commentaries, and more.

A Sanctified Art

Word Made Queer

Our Bible

Enfleshed

A Place in God’s Heart, A Place at Christ’s Table published by the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force

Illustrated Ministry graphics

Many Voices

Common Word

Sam Lundquist

Out in Scripture reflections on the HRC

Creating Sanctuary UK – Prayers and reflections guide

Parity

Music

Worship resources created by denominational LGBTQIA+ advocacy organizations but open to all churches:

See the Queer Christian resources list for more!

aromanticism, asexuality, essays, queer

You Are Not Bad Representation: A list of things you don’t have to do

jennadewitt

1. You don’t have to be perfect as a queer person to prove that queerness is good. For the Christians, this might show up as pressure to individually always display fruit of the spirit to prove we are morally okay. While queer-affirming theology does lead to fruit of the spirit at a population level, you individually don’t have to be perfect to prove queerness as a whole is okay.

2. You don’t have to be content or fulfilled as a single aromantic and/or asexual person. There’s a lot of pressure on us to prove we aren’t missing out or scared of commitment or broken. But it’s okay to feel lonely because honestly life is lonely sometimes, and being a-spec in an amatonormative world is hard.

3. You don’t have to want to date or have sex even if you are allo and queer. Liberation isn’t about checking off a list of formerly forbidden behaviors. It just makes what you DO want possible because you have the freedom to choose.

4. You don’t have to want poly, open, or otherwise ethical nonmonogamous relationships in order to be supportive of others’ choices and desires. It’s okay to say this isn’t for you while advocating for others to have the same freedom of choice in the opposite direction.

5. You can decide your labels were wrong and change them, add more, or stay questioning forever. There’s no deadline to join a faction or house or cabin. This is not a fictional school or dystopian society. Even if it means detransitioning or deciding you aren’t attracted to your gender or realizing you aren’t on the a-spectrum after all. You’re always welcome as long as it’s helpful, and you’re welcome back if you change your mind or find better language. Keep fighting for your former community and be a well-informed ally.

6. You don’t have to date or have sex with someone of your same gender. You don’t have to dress androgynous as a nonbinary person or pass as cis if you’re transitioning. You don’t have to change your appearance or music or media tastes or hobbies to fit in. It’s about identity, not behavior.

7. You don’t have to renounce everyone you’ve been with or every term you previously identified with. You don’t have to have been born this way or have known as a kid. There’s no “must have exhibited symptoms before age ___” diagnostic criteria. Your whole story is your story, whether you’ve always known or just realized at age 80. Fluidity, self-awareness, and learning new terms are all valid reasons to identify differently than you did when you were younger.

8. You do not have to drink alcohol.

9. You don’t have to be feminine to be a gay man or masculine to be a lesbian. You don’t have to hate Valentine’s and rom-coms to be aro or hate sexual humor or erotica to be asexual. You don’t have to be hyperfeminine to be a trans woman or hypermasculine to be a trans man. Or feel completely androgynous to be nonbinary or agender. You can have as many genders as you want or any self-experience or expression.

10. Relatedly, you don’t have to stick to gender roles. The point is that we’re breaking free of heteronormativity, not recreating it in a more inclusive way. Stop expecting trans men or butch lesbians or bear gay men to fill patriarchal “man of the house ” “wears the pants” roles, and stop treating trans women and femme lesbians and twink gay men to be the delicate or incapable or weak one. What choices work for you is between you and your partner, not the “shoulds” of rebranded patriarchy.

aromanticism, asexuality, disability, essays, faith, Mental health, neurodivergence, queer

A complicated year

jennadewitt

I started this year with a specific Word of the Year, a tradition in Christian women’s circles dating back to the heyday of the “blogsphere.” I usually don’t remember mine by April, but this year was different. This year the word that came to me, or that I picked (depending on what you believe about such things), was “complicated.”

As in, letting myself be.

I refused to simplify myself any longer. I would not pretend to be straight for others’ comfort. I would not pretend to be the perfect gold-star aromantic asexual person while denying the reality of my vague sapphic attractions, while accepting that I would never be fully accepted in the lesbian community either. Aromantic and yet a romantic. A cis woman and yet deeply, intrinsically, queerly, asexually so.

I would not hide that I have nontraditionally presenting ADHD in addition to my variety pack of mental illnesses. I would give up trying to screen and test myself over and over for autism, which I probably don’t actually have but also don’t not have entirely. I would be hyperactive and exhausted, both wrapped in brain fog and begging for someone quick enough to catch up with my twice-exceptional brain that has already put the pieces together. I would live into the reality of my disabilities despite feeling unqualified to use that term. I would respect my body’s needs and differences as my own and not the object of others’ expectations.

Continue reading “A complicated year” →
essays, faith, queer

The persuasive power of queer joy

jennadewitt

Yesterday, my Twitter friend Billie Hoard wrote out this thread and I was blown away by how true it resonated with me and so many. I asked her if I could include it as a guest post here so you could save it, return to it, and share it with those who need to hear it.

I find I am a little bit sad today that the recital of queer suffering still seems to be the primary and most effective argument to move Christians towards affirming theology.

Christians should embrace queer affirming theology because of the clear and holy joy that radiates from queer Christians.

Christians should embrace queer affirming theology because “look at how they love one another” while lacking everywhere, is more true of the queer community as a whole, despite our infighting and fractures, than it is of the Christian community as a whole.

Christians should embrace queer affirming theology because God’s Holy Spirit is moving among queer Christians and who are they to deny inclusion to those the Lord God has already included.

Christians should embrace queer affirming theology as a joyful embrace of God’s diverse and diversifying Creation.

Christians should embrace queer affirming theology because queer weddings are some of the most beautiful images of God’s love for Their Bride, the church, that anyone will ever witness.

Christians should embrace queer affirming theology because the sparkle in the eye of a trans girl who gets her first dress is a window into the absolute dancing Joy of the Holy Spirit as She witnesses our sanctification.

Christians should embrace queer affirming theology because our ace and aro siblings carry so much of God’s joy and wisdom regarding connection and being in the world.

Christians should embrace queer affirming theology because our non-binary siblings are some of the most free and beautiful humans on this planet of ours and the dance of their lives teaches us so so much about the Trinity and ourselves.

Christians should embrace queer affirming theology because without queer people the Body of Christ is incomplete and bleeding.

Christians should embrace queer affirming theology because trans men have so much to teach us all about what is and is not healthy in our culture’s take on masculinity. They show us the masculinity of Christ.

Christians should embrace queer affirming theology because of the glory, passion, and wholeness that our bi and pan siblings bring to this world.

RT or reply on Twitter to add your own positive reasons why Christians should embrace queer affirming theology without reference to or need for showcasing queer suffering!

Billie Hoard is a transgender lesbian wife and father, a high school teacher, an author, and a queer Anabaptist radical. A consummate generalist, she holds an MA in liberal arts, and she writes on topics ranging from fairy tales and C. S. Lewis to theology, queerness, and philosophy.

Follow her on Substack (https://billieiswriting.substack.com) and @billieiswriting on Twitter, BlueSky, and Threads.

allyship, essays, faith, queer

Why I don’t do queer apologetics

jennadewitt

Here’s the thing about arguing for queer rights and dignity. I can give them the ACLU map of ~500 anti-LGBTQ bills in the US. They will say those bills are good, actually. I can give them book lists, but they’ll say those are made up for profit.

I can give them story after story, but it’s just anecdotes, not hard data. I can give them data from the best experts, but they will say it’s flawed and poor quality and biased. I can show them history, but they will say that’s in the past, not today.

I can explain rainbow capitalism, but they will say that’s just evidence we control society and are oppressing THEM, actually, by forcing them to see we exist. I can tell them straightphobia isn’t real. I can say that accountability is not bullying. But their hearts are hardened.

I can say religion doesn’t actually require you to oppress us, and allowing our existence is not religious persecution, but they say I’m a heretic and leading others astray because their god is cisheteropatriarchy. I can say they are called to love. They say their harm IS love.

If I don’t use religion, they say I abandoned my faith. If I do, they say I’m manipulating it to fit what I want it to say. If I use science, they will say science isn’t reliable and researchers are under pressure from liberals. If I don’t, they’ll say science is on their side.

If I rehash my trauma and every other queer person’s, it won’t be enough and I’m just an emotional, irrational, delusional victim of the conveniently amorphous and vaguely defined “culture.” If I point out the reality of our queerphobic culture, they say I’m exaggerating. If I try to give them evidence, the cycle restarts, ad nauseam.

So that’s why I block instead of educating those I can tell are unwilling to learn. It’s an unwinnable system. I’d rather spend my limited time on equipping queer people and allies. If you have genuine questions and want to learn, you are welcome here. Take a look around.

allyship, essays, queer

The rainbow baton

jennadewitt

I’ve been marveling a little at how far we’ve come in our lifetimes. There’s so much queer content now, not just coded but stated clearly, that it’s a major party platform to ban it.

That entire religious denominations are splitting in half (half with us!) and have to go to extreme financial and legal lengths to fight against us. City councils and school boards have allies at them, vocal and not anonymous! Support is so high that the haters have to resort to coordinated campaigns and recycle their fear-mongering and dig out Anita Bryant’s old catchphrases to make Florida the leader in hate again instead of just taking it for granted that we are society’s undesirables.

Continue reading “The rainbow baton” →